Air and Lightning
by Ashen Skies
Summary: [What would it have been like if Shepard and Garrus had met as equals?] Spectre Vakarian decides to tag along on Shepard's mission to take down Saren. Their partnership develops in ways neither of them expected, with lots of banter and fluff. This story arc follows ME1 canon with some liberties taken. [FemShep/Garrus]
1. In which Garrus is surprised

**Disclaimer**: I am not in any way related to Bioware or the Mass Effect series. I am making no profit from writing this and am doing so purely for pleasure.

**Pairings:** Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian

**Summary**: [What would it have been like if Shepard and Garrus had met as equals?] Spectre Vakarian decides to tag along on Shepard's mission to take down Saren. Their partnership develops in ways neither of them expected, with lots of banter and fluff. This story arc follows ME1 canon, with some liberties taken.

* * *

**Air and Lightning**

_01. In which Garrus is surprised_

* * *

Garrus Vakarian was one unhappy Spectre.

The humans were arguing passionately, none more so than the little female spitfire at their centre. He admired the way she kept her frustration caged in that compact frame, letting only a hint of it show in her voice as she faced down the Council. He'd been in her place before and hadn't been able to hold in the cursing, but she kept her words professional if forceful.

Then Saren spoke up, his holo sneering down at them. Garrus let out an involuntary snarl at the traitor's voice, and saw the human stiffen with anger at the same time, many-fingered hands curling into fists.

"– can't defend myself against a dream, Councillors."

That was it. Garrus pushed away from the pillar he'd been leaning on, stepping out of the shadows in the balcony. "It's not only about the so-called dream," he said, letting his voice ring out into the high space before him. "And you know it, Saren." He spit the name out.

The female's head snapped up. Her gaze locked with his own: brilliant green searing icy blue. He gave her the barest of nods, and then turned to stare at Saren's transparent image. "Perhaps neither I nor the humans have sufficient evidence on our own. However, the fact that we have both reached the same conclusion, entirely separately, should be evidence in itself."

He turned to the Council, ignoring Saren's narrowed eyes. "You'll remember that I brought the issue before you months ago, Councillors, before the humans even knew who Saren was, and I'm sure it can be proven that the humans and I have not met before today. My investigations were top-secret, as per your orders. No one knew. Certainly the humans couldn't have known."

The asari councillor frowned. "That is… a persuasive coincidence, Vakarian, but lack of substantial evidence is a fact. We still cannot strip Saren of his status on these grounds."

Garrus growled, his tightening grip on the rail causing the metal to creak. "Spirits forgive me, but you lot –"

At the same time, Saren smirked and said, "I'm glad to see reason prevail –"

"You cannot simply dismiss…!" the human ambassador started to whine.

"Confine him to Citadel space."

The human's voice cut them all off, clear and strong. Her eyes were steady, staring down each Councillor in turn. "Let's all be reasonable. Surely there are enough grounds to confine Saren to Citadel space for now while we build our case against him, if you refuse to disbar him entirely. Give us time to get the evidence you want."

"How dare you!" Saren snarled.

The human glared back at him, completely unintimidated. "Oh, is the big bad traitor starting to feel afraid?" she taunted.

Garrus laughed, and decided to throw his own vote in. "I think the human's suggestion is a reasonable compromise."

The Council traded glances. Then the salarian nodded. "One Citadel month," he announced.

"Surely you don't mean to cage me, like some… simple miscreant!" Saren snapped.

"It will only be for one month, Spectre," the asari Councillor said calmly. "I am sure the Citadel will benefit from your presence in this period. Perhaps you could lend Citadel Security your expertise. We expect your presence here in two days."

"It is done," the turian Councillor agreed.

Saren stared at them all – a smirking Garrus, the Council, the grimly satisfied humans. Then, with a wordless scream of rage, he cut the video connection, and his holo flickered out.

"The humans shall be in charge of the investigation. Vakarian, you may do as you wish. That is all."

The humans started muttering amongst themselves, save for the female, who turned to Garrus, tilting that strangely malleable human face up to look at him. Then she smiled, and gave him a tiny, jaunty little salute – turian style, across the chest, her fingers flicking out casually.

Garrus laughed, mandibles flexing. She was full of surprises, that one. The beeping in his ear alerted him to a message before he could respond, and he looked down at his omni-tool. A glance at the message made him curse. The human doctor, in trouble again. If he didn't suspect that she had information he needed, with all those shady contacts of hers…

He looked up, seeing the human still staring at him. She raised a questioning eyebrow, and somehow her meaning conveyed perfectly across cultures. He hesitated for a moment, and then muttered to himself, "Why not?"

Garrus threw her a human salute, touching two fingers to his temple. She snickered, but then stopped in surprise as he crooked a finger at her in the universal sign of invitation. He jerked his head towards the elevator at the far end of the room, and when he saw her nod, turned and left the balcony.

She was waiting at the elevator door, foot jammed before it to keep it open, ignoring the glares of those around her and the quietly annoyed chime of the elevator door at being forced open for so long. He stepped in, the human following, and directed them to Wards level, shifting impatiently as the door closed.

"Thanks for the help in there," the human said, turning to face him. She held out a hand. "Kei Shepard. I'm with the Alliance."

"I figured," he said, giving her a human handshake. Somehow his three fingers fit easily with her five. He nodded at her armour. "N7 rank. Impressive."

She shrugged. "It's just a rank."

"Hmm." She seemed to mean it, too. A human who didn't value rank? That was rare. "Garrus Vakarian. Spectre."

"I figured," she said dryly. "Impressive."

"It's just a title."

They both grinned at his verbal parry.

"So, you going to tell me what this is about?"

"There's a human doctor in the Wards, Chloe Michel. I've been keeping an eye on her, I have reason to believe she knows something related to Saren, but she keeps getting herself into situations." He scowled. "Almost more trouble than she's worth… in any case, she just pinged me."

"What did she say?"

He sighed. "'Help'."

"Ah, so not asking you out for a coffee then."

He couldn't help the shocked twitch of his mandibles. "How did you…?"

"What?" she said, confusion apparent.

He realised his mistake. She had been making a joke, not insinuating. "Never mind."

Garrus knew she had figured it out, though, when she burst into laughter. He'd hoped she was one of the blundering, completely unsubtle humans, but clearly that had been a vain hope. "The doctor asked you out before? That's adorable!"

He twitched again. "I'd rather you not use that word anywhere near me."

"I'm sorry, but that really is cute."

"Oh, now you're just being mean."

"And very sweet."

"Shepard…"

"Vakarian." Her eyes were bright with humour. Human faces were amazingly expressive, he'd always found. "Okay, I'll stop, if you'll answer me one question."

"Depends."

She nodded at the weapons on his back. "Where can I get beauties like that?"

Once again, she had taken him by surprise. "These are Spectre-requisitioned guns. This is the HMW sniper rifle, and that's the HMW assault."

"So I can't get those, then?"

"I'm afraid not." She looked so disappointed. "Your weapons aren't that bad, you know. Top of the line… apart from Spectre gear."

"Top of the line but nowhere as good as yours."

"Nope." He smirked at her.

"Smugness doesn't become you."

"Oh, I think it does."

"Can I at least touch them?" she pleaded.

"Definitely not." He shuddered at the thought. "My sniper rifle is my life."

She snorted. "You can keep it. I'm more interested in your assault rifle. Come on, humour the poor human here."

"Why do you want to touch my gun so badly?" he demanded.

Shepard stared at him, and one eyebrow rose, slowly. His lips twitched into a smirk.

Oh. Oh. "That… it wasn't… I mean… that didn't come out… right."

They stared at each other. Then, as one, they started laughing.

"You're okay, Vakarian," she said, finally, calming down as the lift reached its destination and they exited, striding into the crowd.

"You're not… as annoying as I thought you'd be," he admitted.

"Oh, thanks for that!"

"You have got to agree that your species is difficult to get along with," he countered. "Your ambassador is a prime example."

"What, that greedy self-serving bastard Udina? Yeah, but he's a politician. Human or not, all politicians are like that."

"I'll give you that."

"I'll take it."

"How human of you."

"You're such an ass."

"Have you been staring at mine?"

"Oh, I thought it was your face."

"You're being mean again."

"It's a human thing."

They heard the raised voices through the door, and the tone was threatening enough that it was clearly not a mere domestic argument going on inside the clinic. Garrus had his rifle in his hands in an instant, and he was surprised to note that Shepard had hers out as well. He hadn't even seen her move.

"Raised half-wall at mid, five paces," he murmured to her as he recalled the layout of the clinic. "Opening to the left, shelves behind."

"I'll roll low and left."

"I'll cover."

"Go."

Garrus palmed open the door, bringing his rifle up. He took in the situation at a glance – one hostage, the doctor, otherwise all hostiles. Shepard was already behind cover, her small frame a distinct advantage. He'd bet that those inside hadn't even seen her move, maybe didn't even realise she was there. Spirits, she was fast.

The leader inside confirmed it. "Stay back, turian!" he barked, holding the doctor like a shield. "There's one of you and five of us! You don't want the good doctor to get hurt, do you?"

He made a show of considering it. "I suppose I don't," he said. "So I'll take you and the two on the right."

"What? What are you –"

His shot went clean through, and the headless body jerked, falling backwards as the doctor screamed and pushed his suddenly lifeless arm away. She scrambled forwards, queering his second shot, and he hissed in annoyance, taking the farthest right henchman out instead. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the two on the left fall.

"Down!" he barked at the silly human woman. "Damn it, woman –"

The last man panicked and raised his pistol at the doctor. Garrus swore. He couldn't get a clear shot, and was about to take the man out through the doctor's shoulder when he screamed and dropped dead.

"All clear!" Shepard called.

"I did call the two on the right," he said, frowning at her as she helped the doctor up.

Shepard actually grinned at him. "You're just jealous that I have the higher kill count now."

"Oh, you do not want to start that with me."

"Three to two, it speaks for itself."

"The doctor was in my way!"

"Excuses. Poor strategic positioning is what I'd call it."

This was exhilarating. Maybe it was just the rush of battle, the adrenaline still pumping, but it had been a long time since someone had challenged him like this, just for fun, without any hidden intent. He grinned back, mandibles fluttering happily. "You're going to regret this."

"Bring it on."

They questioned the doctor and learned about Fist, the Shadow Broker, and the quarian. Shepard mentioned a tip she'd gotten about a krogan mercenary, and so they made a quick diversion to pick him up at C-Sec next door. Since it was her info, Garrus hung back and let her deal with the krogan. She surprised him yet again – and Wrex as well, clearly – in the even-handed way she handled the whole issue and the touchy mercenary.

"Impressive," he murmured in her ear, voice almost fully sub-vocal, as they trailed the stomping krogan out of C-sec.

To his surprise, she blushed very slightly. He'd seen this 'blushing' behaviour before in humans, and as always, he was fascinated by it. Their skin was so thin; it was amazing that they weren't bleeding out all the time from pinpricks. "Glad you approve," she said, keeping her voice equally low. "Can I touch that gun of yours now?"

If he were human, he would be blushing now, and he knew it – and worse, she knew that he knew it. He gave her a rueful grin, and she smiled back almost shyly.

"Will you two come on?" Wrex bellowed. "We've got people to kill!"

"No killing until I say so!" Shepard yelled back. "This is my operation, my team, understand?"

Wrex grumbled something under his breath, but didn't argue.

Garrus looked down at the human in surprise. "Wait, since when was this your operation?"

"The Council put the humans in charge," she reminded him smugly.

"Yes, but the doctor was my informant."

"We saved the doctor together, so now it's ours."

Garrus' jaw dropped. "That's not how it works!"

"My rules." Shepard winked at him.

He huffed. "I didn't have to bring you along, you know."

"And I could have kept you out of the investigation. The Council would have backed me up and sent you to play Spectre elsewhere, you know it as well as I do, because they can't afford to alienate the humans like that."

Garrus stopped dead in his tracks in astonishment.

She took a couple more steps, realised he'd stopped, and turned to face him, fixing her intensely green gaze on him. "Look, Vakarian… I'm not trying to antagonise you. So far, I like you. You're chasing down one of your own people, which is never easy. You're good on the field, judging by that little skirmish we just had. Hell, you seem like a good person and I've never found it this easy to talk to a complete stranger before. But I'm going to take Saren down, on my terms, for the deaths of all my people. I'd like you along, because I sense that you've also got your own beef with him, and I could do with someone of your calibre on my team. But if you can't accept that I'm going to be in charge, I can't do that."

"…I have my own meat from an Earth animal?"

"Oh." Shepard smacked her forehead. "Uh… it's a human saying. It means you've got your own vendetta. Grudge. Thing."

"I see. You know, you're not the only one who's lost something to him. Amongst other things that happened… Nihlus was a friend."

She winced. "I didn't know. I'm… sorry for your loss."

"Saren's a blight on the turian name. He's an embarrassment to the Spectre ranks. He has to be stopped, and so even if it rankles, I'm with you. Even if I have to bow my head to you to do it." He smiled, but there wasn't any humour in it. "That's the turian thing to do, anyway."

"Damn it. I'm not saying this right." Shepard walked right up to Garrus, and put a tentative hand on his arm. "Look, Vakarian… I don't expect you to just meekly tag along. You're a Spectre, for crying out loud. I'd be doing you a disservice if I expected you to just shut up and follow orders. What I'm saying is… if you can accept that I make the final decisions, I can promise you that I will take into account everything you say. You can suggest tactics, strategies, hell, even flight paths and mission choices. You can even tell me you think I'm wrong, as long as you don't question orders when things get critical and we need to move fast. I swear I will listen, and happily. But for a team to work, there has to be one leader. One set of orders. Or the team will tear itself apart."

"…I understand." And, surprisingly, he was actually at peace with the idea. He could see that she was being entirely sincere. If he had to be on someone else's team, he supposed that having Shepard lead it wouldn't be so bad.

She looked hopeful. "Really?"

Garrus sighed. "I'm a turian soldier. Of course I understand."

"So…"

"I said it, didn't I? I'll follow you, for now." He smirked at her. "Until you do something really stupid."

She laughed, and there was definite relief in that sound. "I'll try not to screw things up, then."

"You can try. Oh, and Shepard… call me Garrus."

The look of surprise, relief, and simple happiness that she gave him was unforgettable. He smiled to himself, glad that the peace offering had worked.

His respect for Shepard was growing. There had been no need for her to make him such an offer, let alone such a generous one. Others would have used politics to keep him out of the mission, for fear of having the Spectre steal all the glory. She asked him for nothing but the bare minimum – her sole authority on the field, which as she had pointed out was a necessity in battle. That was something Garrus understood.

Chora's Den was fun. In such close quarters, Garrus went with his assault rifle instead, and the higher rate of fire helped him beat Shepard's score by two men.

"You cheated! Some of those guys were definitely already wounded!"

"By who? We were on opposite sides of the room!"

"By… uh… Wrex!"

"I resent that, Shepard, anyone I hit with my shotgun is dead. No question."

They all looked down at one such victim. He had no chest.

"You may have a point."

"Just admit it, Shepard, I'm ahead of you by two."

"They were… wounded by friendly fire!"

"Give it up, Shepard."

"You have an unfair gun advantage!"

Garrus looked down at himself. "Have you been staring again?"

Wrex guffawed as Shepard punched Garrus in the arm with a groan.

Fist was a pushover, and the only hitch in their plan was when Wrex shot him in the face. Shepard rounded on him.

"What the hell was that?"

"I was paid to kill him. I honour my contracts."

"So? You couldn't have asked me first?"

"He just murdered a man who had surrendered, and you're berating him for not asking you first?" Garrus interrupted.

"That's a secondary issue. Important thing is that I need know I can trust you guys to follow orders!"

Wrex was grinning, a big krogan grin full of teeth. "I like your approach, Shepard," he rumbled. "Fine. That was my last outstanding task. My gun is yours now." He thumped his chest with a fist. "Krogan promise."

"It had better be." Shepard stared down at what was left of Fist, and then sighed. "Much as I don't like this, he was dead anyway for crossing the Shadow Broker. What's done is done. Let's go get that quarian."

Garrus was liking her better and better. Shepard was showing a practicality that was refreshing: dealing with things as they were, instead of dwelling on what could have been done.

They successfully retrieved Tali and her evidence. It was everything that Garrus had hoped for, and he and Shepard exchanged feral smiles when they heard it. Garrus wondered if this human was his lucky charm – everything was falling into place around her, almost without effort.

So it was that, barely a few hours later, Garrus was back in the Council's chambers, listening with grim satisfaction as they tried and failed repeatedly to get a hold of Saren in order that he could face these new accusations. Shepard was tapping her fingers impatiently against her gun, but seemed determined to keep silent, like the dark-skinned male – Anderson – had told her to do before the meeting. "Don't antagonise them, they have nowhere to turn now and it won't do any good to show up the Council," he had told her sternly. Shepard seemed to value his approval highly, and had simply nodded.

Garrus wasn't as patient. "Councillors," he said after the fourth try, "I think it's obvious that Saren realised there was no way out. He had no intention of returning to Citadel space in the first place. He's gone completely rogue now, and we must do what we can from this end."

In the end, the Council not only removed Saren's Spectre status, but gave it to Shepard. Garrus hadn't much cared about the rumours of the possibility of the first human Spectre being appointed, but now that it had happened, he found himself being happy it was Shepard. From all that he'd seen, she was the perfect choice.

After it was over, he went up to her. "Congratulations," he said. "Also, bringing Wrex and Tali with you was genius. The look on your ambassador's face!"

"I know," she said happily. "I wish I had a picture."

He pressed a few keys on his omni-tool, and the snapshot he'd taken of the little pompous man and his red, gaping face popped up. Shepard actually squeaked with glee. "If you give me that, I will be your best friend and you can come on the Normandy with me."

"Is the Normandy yours, now?"

A shadow passed over her features. "Yes," she said, without the enthusiasm Garrus would have expected from someone getting her own ship. "Captain Anderson gave me command. It feels wrong, but… there it is."

She had surprised him yet again. Her words, and her demeanour, showed a loyalty and humility that were at odds with the typical human attitude, and it warmed him to see it. Oddly, Garrus felt compelled to cheer her up. He didn't like seeing her so down. "Well… You know, you should be giving me things to get me to come with you. Think about it: I'm a dashing turian Spectre, giving you insights into the enemy's mind and lending some sorely lacking style to your motley crew… now, what's that worth?"

"I'll touch your rifle," she threatened, a small smile back on her face. Much better.

"Spirits, you drive a hard bargain." He transferred the picture file to her. "So… Tali gave you the evidence. I gave you a picture. What's Wrex going to give you?"

Wrex snorted. "The strongest fighter of you lot, that's what."

"I feel spoiled." Shepard grinned at the three of them, and then it faded. "I'm going to be honest," she said quietly. "The Normandy has an all-human crew, save for you guys. I can pretty much guarantee some hostility and fear, at first. It will be uncomfortable, but I swear that I will try and help as best as I can. I don't like division amongst my people, and I don't care what species you are, you're all my people if you join me. Knowing what you're going to face – are you still up for it?"

Wrex smacked a fist into a palm. "Hell yeah. So far, your ship seems like the best place to be right now to see some real action. Not going to miss out on that."

"I want to help," Tali said firmly. "Saren's working with the geth – if I can be on the frontlines, gather information for the Fleet, then that's where I'll be."

The reassuring smile Shepard gave to Tali changed to a wry smirk when she looked at Garrus. "What do you say?"

"I'm thinking, two Spectres on board a tiny ship, we're either going to kill one another in two weeks, or…"

"Or?"

He just grinned at her. "Or you'll recognise my skills and forfeit the ship to me in deference to my superior abilities."

She choked on her laughter. "Dream on. I'm requisitioning some proper guns, and then we'll see."

"It's not about the gun, it's about how you handle it."

Shepard started to laugh. It took Tali and Wrex a moment more to catch on.

"Damn it." Garrus covered his face with a hand. "Shepard, I swear it's your fault. Your dirty mind is infectious."

"Me? You're the one with the gun fetish!"

"You were the one who wanted to touch mine!"

"Are you two…"

"No!"

"Tali!"

"What?"

Garrus smiled. Strangely enough, despite everything… he was rather looking forward to being on the Normandy.

* * *

End Chapter 01

* * *

**Author's Note:** the banter here and terrible attempts at innuendo are only the beginning. There will be a lot of fluff in this story from now on. If romantic and sweet things make you cringe, be warned.

**Ashen Skies**  
"You have an unfair gun advantage!"


	2. In which Shepard asks for a favour

**Disclaimer**: I am not in any way related to Bioware or the Mass Effect series. I am making no profit from writing this and am doing so purely for pleasure.

**Pairings:** Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian

**Summary**: [What would it have been like if Shepard and Garrus had met as equals?] Spectre Vakarian decides to tag along on Shepard's mission to take down Saren. Their partnership develops in ways neither of them expected, with lots of banter and fluff. This story arc follows ME1 canon, with some liberties taken.

* * *

**Air and Lightning**

_02. In which Shepard asks for a favour_

* * *

"Garrus! Been all over the ship looking for…" Shepard trailed off as she registered the scene before her. "Did you just demote yourself from Spectre to grease monkey?"

"Grease… what?" The turian looked confused as he pulled his head out from under the Mako's hood and looked down at his omni-tool, typing in a few quick commands. "My translator is telling me about an Earth animal similar to a pyjak."

"A pyjak? That works." Shepard gave Garrus a once-over. "Though you look more like a lizard than anything else. A dinosaur? You can be a grease dinosaur."

"I'm not even going to try to understand that."

She laughed. "I was commenting on your new position as a mechanic."

"Oh." He looked… sheepish, Shepard guessed, from the tilt of his head and the slow flaring of his mandibles. "I like playing with machinery and electronics, all kinds. Your vehicle here was just too interesting to pass up the chance to examine how it works. I think I can actually improve its performance, if you'll allow me to try."

Was that excitement in his voice? Shepard smiled. "Sure. Is that all it takes to make you happy?" she teased.

"That, or you can let me install a really big gun on this ship."

"You and your guns."

"Think about it, Shepard…" Garrus spread his arms. "A huge gun, all for you to play with."

"I have enough guns to play with, thank you."

They maintained eye contact for a couple more seconds before they burst into laughter.

"How long do you think we have before we exhaust that joke?" Garrus mused.

"Nah, gun innuendo is classic. It'll outlast us both."

Garrus hummed agreement. Then he tilted his head. "Did you need me for something?"

"Oh! Right! I need your help. Let's go."

"I'm in the middle of –"

"The Mako's not going anywhere. Come on already!"

"So, you going to tell me what this is about?" Garrus drawled when they were in the elevator.

Why did that sound so familiar…? Oh. Shepard gave him a Look. "Don't tell me your species has some kind of perfect memory, and you're going to throw everything I've ever said back in my face."

Garrus laughed. Shepard had to repress a shiver as the many-toned sound surrounded her in the enclosed space, sub-vocals shivering along her bones and rumbling in his throat. She'd always had a weakness for deep voices, and turian sub-harmonics pressed so many of the right buttons for her it was almost ridiculous. Not that she was going to ever, _ever_ let Garrus find out.

"No, perfect memory is the curse of the drell, I'm afraid," Garrus said in reply. "When they recall something, they actually relive the moment perfectly."

Shepard considered this. That sounded… "I can see why you call it a curse," she said. "There are so many things I never want to relive again."

Garrus hummed in agreement.

"Also, what's a drell?"

"They're a reclusive species, very closely linked to the hanar. You won't see very many of them around."

"Shame."

Garrus made a questioning noise, a little trill with a click in it. Shepard laughed. "That's adorable!"

"Shepard…"

"Sorry, it's just… those noises you make are so cute!"

"You're destroying my reputation, here." He sighed. "Why couldn't you have been like all the other species and be terrified of me?"

"I wouldn't be much fun then, would I?"

Shepard bit her lip when Garrus made a low purring noise – his equivalent of soft laughter, most likely. She could feel her heartbeat speed up, as well as a faint blush rise to her cheeks. Damn those turian vocals! "No," Garrus said, softly amused. "I guess not."

She cleared her throat. "Anyway… I need that big intimidating turian hide of yours," she said, getting back on track. "Also that shiny Spectre status."

"You have one too, now," he pointed out as the doors opened and they headed out.

"Yes, but it's new and useless. Most people still think it's purely a concession to the humans, a paper title, nothing more." Shepard scowled, remembering some of the dismissive looks she'd gotten. "However, an established turian Spectre… you've got both the scary looks and the scary reputation. I'd bet that things will go smoothly with you around."

"You still haven't told me what 'things' you're talking about."

Shepard smirked. "We're going shopping."

"…shopping?"

"Shopping."

"What kind of groceries are you planning to buy that needs the authority of two Spectres?"

"Carnivorous plants. Maybe some illegal drugs."

"This had better be an example of that famed twisted human humour, Shepard."

She raised her eyebrow, maintaining a slight frown as she looked sideways at him. "I'm a Spectre now. I can get what I damn well please."

The look on his face was priceless. She could only hold her expression for two more seconds before her shoulders started to shake.

He finally got that she was joking, and huffed. "Oh, very funny."

"You… you actually believed me!" she gasped through her laughter.

"I figured if you need my help… for _shopping_… then it had to be something bad," he said defensively, but his mandibles were twitching with humour. "A carnivorous plant would be exactly the kind of thing you crazy humans would buy."

"No, no. I really am just buying basic things the ship needs." Shepard wiped the tears from her eyes and composed herself. "The problem is that I want delivery _now_, and quite a few of the people I've talked to so far are hedging their bets and telling me about delivery times of more than two weeks. I had Tali look into some of their stock lists, and they _have_ what I want, often with no buyers waiting. So they're playing me, and I'm not having that."

There was a carefully blank tone to Garrus' voice as he said, "So you want me to help you threaten some shopkeepers? Surely it can't be that important."

She sighed. To be honest, she was a bit worried that he would find her shopping list frivolous, but it was important to her. She didn't want to lose his respect, but she needed him. "Okay, I'll come clean." She looked away from him, too nervous to see how he would react. "I'm having problems securing good, or at least passable, dextro food. Basic stock consists only of nutrient paste and similar, which I'm guessing is atrocious, if the levo equivalent is anything to go by."

"Food. You're going to all this trouble for… dextro food."

"Yeah. I'm not having you and Tali eat crap while you're on my ship." She fidgeted. "I know it seems like a small thing, but it's precisely because it's a basic need that it's important. You deserve better than to have to put up with bad food, multiple times a day. It's the trivial things that get to you after a while."

"I appreciate the thought, but you really don't have to do this."

"I _want_ to." Shepard sighed. "Look, if you really think this is beneath you, then… I guess I'll handle the yelling and intimidating by myself. I just thought that the shopkeepers would be less inclined to bullshit when the actual guy who needs the food is standing in front of them with sharp, sharp teeth. Oh, and is also a Spectre."

There was a moment of painful silence. Then Garrus chuckled. Shepard finally turned to look at him, and saw him smiling his turian smile at her. "You are… unlike anyone I have ever met," he said honestly. "It would be my pleasure to help. After all, I benefit directly."

Shepard couldn't help the big, happy grin. "Thanks, Garrus. I owe you."

He snorted, a jarring little sub-vocal sound. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Wait until you hear the _rest_ of my shopping list."

"There's more?"

Laughing, she started walking again. "Three more big items, to be precise."

"Am I going to regret this?"

"Maybe. They're going to be much harder to get on demand."

"Shepard…"

She didn't look at him. "Beds, Garrus. Three different beds."

"What –" Garrus' voice cut off. "Huh."

"Yup."

"You're not going to find anything specific for quarians, you know."

The silly smile on her face refused to go away, and she was just glad Garrus couldn't see. He understood. "I asked her, just casually, in one of our conversations. Best thing for quarians on the general market is one of those memory-foam mattresses."

She heard him laugh. "You're something else, Shepard." His large, warm presence caught up to her.

"Tell me something I don't know."

"You have a 'kick me' sign stuck to your back."

"What? Since when?" Shepard demanded, frantically twisting around. "I don't see – oh, you utter _bastard_."

"You… you actually believed me," he mocked softly, trying to imitate her human tones.

"You're doing that again! Stop using my own words against me! You sure you're not a drell?"

"I'm too big to be a drell."

"You sure are," she said, waggling her eyebrows at him and looking pointedly at his lower half.

"Are all humans this perverted?"

"I'm buying you a bed, I think our relationship has progressed far beyond such squeamishness."

He laughed. Shepard decided that she liked his laugh and resolved to make it happen a lot more. "You're still not touching my gun."

"Aw, damn."

* * *

End Chapter 02

* * *

**Author's Note:** I swear the innuendo goes away after this. Mostly.

**Ashen Skies**  
"You can be a grease dinosaur."


	3. In which Garrus experiences the Mako

**Disclaimer**: I am not in any way related to Bioware or the Mass Effect series. I am making no profit from writing this and am doing so purely for pleasure.

**Pairings:** Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian

**Summary**: [What would it have been like if Shepard and Garrus had met as equals?] Spectre Vakarian decides to tag along on Shepard's mission to take down Saren. Their partnership develops in ways neither of them expected, with lots of banter and fluff. This story arc follows ME1 canon, with some liberties taken.

* * *

**Air and Lightning**

_03. In which Garrus experiences the Mako_

* * *

"I thought you called this thing your baby!"

"What? It is!"

"If this is how you humans treat your children, I'm surprised you haven't died out centuries ago – _that's a cliff! A sheer cliff_!"

"You don't have to yell like that! I see it!"

"You were driving _right towards it_!"

"Well I'm not now! We're driving along it!"

"The wheels are only a _hand's width away_ from the edge!"

"Are all turians this whiny?" Shepard's voice was breathless as she wrestled with the wheel.

Garrus' grip on the Mako's turret handhold was leaving marks in the metal. "Spirits damn you, woman, you said you could drive!"

"I can! And I am! What do you call this, then?"

"_Not being able to drive_!"

"I'm just a little out of practice, that's all!"

In the face of certain death, forgetting the Gunnery Chief's dislike of aliens (Garrus hadn't meant to listen in to the conversations between the two human women, but their normal speaking voice was clear to his heightened senses), Garrus turned to Ashley Williams. "If I drag her bodily out of the driver's seat, will you take over?"

She stiffened, and Garrus repressed a sigh at the xenophobia. But then the human woman surprised him with a tight smile. "Right now I'm trying my best not to throw up over you. Don't think I can move from this spot."

"Good point. Are all humans bad drivers?"

"There's a stereotype that human women are terrible drivers, but…" The Mako swerved violently. "I've never experienced anything like this before."

"You two are such downers!"

"We'd simply like to live out this journey, thank you!"

"Hey, I haven't killed anyone driving yet."

"Are you trying to make up for it now?"

"Very funny! There's only been a few accidents –"

"_What accidents_?" Garrus and Ashley chorused. They looked at each other, startled. Camaraderie in death, Garrus supposed.

"No one died!"

"That's not comforting!"

"I can't imagine anything worse than this, anyway," Ashley muttered, green in the face. "Maybe those accidents were caused by people throwing up over her."

Garrus groaned. "Oh, now you've done it. Never say that things can't get worse, because then they definitely will."

"What gets worse than this?" Ashley demanded.

"_Geth_!" Garrus yelled, swinging the turret around.

"Okay, I'll give you that –"

"No, I mean _geth_!"

He heard Ashley curse wholeheartedly.

"Shepard, you ridiculous woman, stop driving so erratically! I can't aim this thing properly!"

"It's called _evasive manoeuvres_, turian!"

"So you've been taking evasive manoeuvres this entire drive, then?"

"Shut up and shoot!"

Garrus realised that shooting was getting easier, not because the driving had improved any, but because… the geth were getting closer… and closer…

And closer.

"_Shepard_! What are you _doing_!" he howled.

"What do you _think_?"

And then the Mako rammed headfirst into the geth lines, to the sounds of Shepard's whooping as she crashed into the things, Ashley's praying as she fired her rifle through the windows, and Garrus' curses as he wrestled with the turret. The geth troopers shattered into spare parts as the Mako drove into and over them, shield groaning and metal shrieking, taking fire from all directions.

"Williams! Get up here and man the turret!"

"Why –"

"I need to hold this vehicle together, since Shepard seems intent on smashing it apart!" Garrus dropped back into the interior of the vehicle, scrabbling for the interface to the Mako. "I'm going to try to keep the shields up, you try to shoot things before she tries to run them over."

"You guys trying to spoil my fun back there?"

"_Yes_!" they shouted back together.

"Screw you too! Oh hey – they've got an armature!"

"Shepard, _don't you dare_!"

The Mako charged down the huge geth armature. Through the windows, Garrus saw a searing beam barely miss the side of the Mako as Shepard fired the thrusters, lifting them into the air for a moment. "Shepard, the shields aren't going to hold!" he shouted.

"That's the last geth, we just need it to hold until then!" she yelled back cheerfully.

Garrus could only gape. "Are you _mad_?"

"Possibly!"

The entire Mako shuddered, metal screaming against metal, as Shepard rammed headfirst into the geth. The thrusters fired again, lifting them into the air – and coming right back down on the still-moving machine. It roared, and tried to move. With a whoop, Shepard fired again. They landed, and a sharp armature leg speared right up through the floor of the Mako right next to Garrus and stopped just before it went through his head.

Silence descended. The Therum winds whistled through newly-perforated Mako. Garrus eyeballed the very sharp tip of the sheared-off geth leg, and wondered if it was too late to object to Shepard's admittance into Spectre ranks on the grounds of insanity.

Ashley shakily climbed down from her turret perch. Garrus turned to look at her, very slowly, and saw her eyes widen and her jaw drop when she noticed the leg. "Holy shit, Vakarian," she breathed.

"Uh – you two okay back there?"

"Holy shit," Ashley repeated.

Shepard's head poked around the seat. "Oh," she said when she saw. "Lucky break for you, huh?"

"Williams," Garrus said, voice distant. "I know she's your direct superior, but if I murder her right now…"

"I'll hold her down for you, Vakarian."

Shepard shook her head sadly. "You should be rejoicing. We just took out a whole bunch of geth and no one's injured!"

They stared at her.

"Kids these days. No respect."

Her head disappeared, and the Mako shuddered back into life a moment later. Garrus and Ashley grabbed whatever handhold they could find.

"At least we're nearly there… right?"

Garrus groaned. "You just had to say it."

They found the asari easily enough. Shepard impressed Garrus yet again when she solved the barrier problem with a mining laser, of all things. She was creative, with a good eye for her surroundings… also, apparently utterly mad when it came to driving. He grimaced, stomach still roiling, as the platform that T'Soni had said would take them out of the crumbling ruins jerked into life.

"I didn't throw up on you, don't you dare throw up on _me,_ Vakarian," Ashley joked. Then she frowned. Garrus didn't need his senses to pick up her slightly increased heartbeat to tell that she had surprised _herself _with the little joke.

"Hey, there's still the ride back, if you want to take the opportunity," he said easily. To both their surprise, she let out a small laugh.

Out of the corner of his eye, Garrus saw Shepard bite back a smile. The sneaky little thing… had she _planned_ this? It was a tempting explanation… no one's driving could be _that_ bad without actually having to work at it.

Then the platform stopped, and Garrus sighed at the ambush awaiting them. "I remember someone saying that this would be an easy retrieval run," he remarked into the air.

"I have _such_ shit luck with missions," Shepard muttered, before engaging the krogan in conversation.

The resulting firefight was easy. He and Shepard each covered one half of the room, with Williams protecting the asari in the back. He dispatched a geth trooper just as Shepard charged the krogan leader down with a shotgun. He was grinning, his own shotgun ready for the showdown, shields rippling blue and strong as he stood his ground, widening his stand to brace himself for the impact. Their head-on collision was inevitable.

"WAAARGH!" Shepard shrieked… and at the very last second, she dropped down and slid through his legs. The look on the krogan's face was priceless. "_Garrus_!"

He overloaded the shields. The krogan staggered. Shepard's shotgun blast took his head off.

"If I hadn't had your back on that move, you'd be dead," he remarked, almost idly killing another geth.

She grinned at him. "But you did have my back. I knew you would."

"You don't even like shotguns."

"I like shotguns just fine," she called, taking another geth at close range. "In fact, after today, I think I _love_ shotguns. I mean, assault rifles will always be first place, but shotguns are rising in the ranks."

"That reminds me. Where's your assault rifle?"

"Uh…"

"Shepard…"

"Oh, look, that was the last geth!" Shepard said quickly. "Ashley! Get the doctor on her feet and get out of here!"

"Shepard –"

"Can't you see the whole place is coming down around our ears, Garrus? Run! No more talking!"

Ashley and the doctor had a good head start, and were nearly to safety. Garrus started to follow, when he heard a sharp hiss of pain behind him and turned. Shepard was clearly favouring her right ankle. Without a second thought he stopped. When she caught up to him with a glare, he crouched in one swift movement, put the back of his shoulder into her stomach and then simply stood again with a grunt. His arm went up to hold her in place, and then he was off again.

"Garrus!"

He ran, long legs easily eating up the distance. He was aware of the fresh, flowery smell of her strange human hair, the more earthy smell of her skin, and the softness of the strands on the more sensitive plates on his face. He could feel the puffs of her breath on his neck, and the firmness of her tiny human waist on his shoulder, under his arm. It was… strange, but oddly… not unpleasant.

"I'm going to _kill_ you, you big lizard-face."

"At least you'll be alive to do it," he retorted, clearing the exit to the mine. Not one heartbeat later, the ruins finally gave in, rock thundering down to seal off the tunnel. "See?" he said with a smirk, setting her back down on her feet. "Your short legs would have been the death of you."

"I'll have you know I can run pretty damn fast."

"Not as fast as a turian." He grinned at her, mandibles flaring in satisfaction. "I think we need a new tally. I'm not only one-up on the kill count, but also the life-saving count."

"Laugh it up while you can," she retorted. "You know this means I'm going to throw you into life-threatening situations, just so I can save your sorry ass, right?"

"Bring it on." At that moment he noticed the state of her assault rifle, and hissed with shock. "Shepard! That poor rifle! What did you do to it?"

"It just stopped working," she said defensively.

Garrus pinned her with a stare.

"…okay, it stopped working after I smashed it into a geth face."

"I swear, Shepard… if you do that to your Spectre weapons once they arrive, I'll… I'll do something really horrible to you."

"It was an accident!"

"Smashing people with your gun is an _accident_?"

"Um… excuse me…" Liara tried.

"What was I supposed to do? It blindsided me! I couldn't react in time!"

"Maybe you should just improve on your _poor strategic positioning_ next time!"

"Hello?" Liara tried again.

"Ohhh, you infuriating turian! You're doing that words thing again!"

"You know you're doing something wrong when your own words are being used against you!"

"Shouldn't we stop them?" the asari whispered to the human beside her.

"Probably. But I'm trying to put off the moment we have to get back into that… thing… again."

"By the Goddess! What happened to that vehicle?"

"You don't want to know."

"But –"

"Trust me. Just… enjoy being on firm ground while you can."

The ride was thankfully short – they just had to get to an elevated and open space, enough for the Normandy to pick them up. A short debriefing later, Garrus found himself back in the cargo hold, staring at the remains of the Mako.

"Ha!"

"Laugh it up, Wrex," Garrus muttered. "Next mission, _you_ are going into that thing. All the regenerative power in the world won't help you then."

Wrex snorted. "It looks like there was a good fight. How bad can one human's driving be?"

"Famous last words, Wrex."

"Weakling."

Garrus ignored him. The krogan would find out soon enough. With a groan, he trudged over to the vehicle and began assessing the damage. This was going to take _weeks_.

"Uh… need some help with that, Vakarian?"

He couldn't help the surprised twitch of his mandibles as he turned to face Ashley. She looked uncomfortable, but determined. He breathed in. There was a familiar, second-hand scent of cotton and earth curling around her, overlying Ashley's usual sharp acid-metal smell.

"Did Shepard order you to do this?"

Now she looked _really_ uncomfortable, mixed with surprise. "How did you… no. No, she didn't." Ashley exhaled heavily. "She just… Joker was asking about our next destination, and she said something about how she really did a number on the Mako this time, and repairs were going to be at least a two-man job, and that we were all probably stuck on the ship until it's done. I don't know about you, but I want to see some action before I grow old."

"I see."

"Look, if you don't want my help, say it. I just thought I'd offer."

Garrus considered the human. Under her xenophobia and prickly attitude… there was a steel core of honour and duty. It was actually very turian. He thought of the way Shepard dealt with people – human and otherwise. She acknowledged issues that others would have tried to awkwardly work around, and somehow by facing it and bringing it out into the open, she made it… less.

He decided to learn from that. Deliberately adopting a casual, teasing posture and voice, he said, "You just want the Mako repaired so you don't have to spend more time hanging around us aliens, hmm? Hanger bay's pretty small, after all, and Wrex smells."

"Speak for yourself, turian!"

Ashley jerked to attention so stiffly he was afraid that she'd pulled a muscle somewhere. She looked torn between indignation, horror, and amusement. "I didn't – that wasn't my intention –"

He laughed. "Relax, Williams! I was teasing. Turian humour does exist, you know, despite stereotypes to the contrary."

There was a tense moment. Then Ashley snorted. "I figured, after hearing you and Skipper duel it out verbally," she said dryly. "I swear you spend more time needling each other than actually shooting things!"

"Simply shooting is boring. This way things get done with _style_." Garrus spread his arms, and added as loftily as he could, "_Someone_ has to add a little flair to your drab human lives." He gestured to himself expansively.

Ashley laughed, loud and long. "Someone's full of shit," she said. "I'd like to see that _flair_ when you're covered in grease and stuck full of Mako bits."

"You're just jealous of my natural charms."

"You're not half bad, turian, but I wouldn't take it that far."

She was looking a little uncomfortable again, and Garrus could recognise that she was surprised and maybe a little angry at herself, so he decided to stop pushing for today. It was more than he'd ever expected from Williams anyway. "So…" he drawled, looking at the Mako. "Where do you think we should even begin?"

"What? Oh. Maybe we should remove the huge leg sticking through the floor, it might help."

Garrus ignored the sarcasm. "I don't know," he mused. "It makes for a very striking centrepiece."

Ashley shook her head. "I don't know why I bother."

* * *

End Chapter 03

* * *

**Author's Note: **Couldn't resist (and really, how could I leave it out?) doing my own take on one of fandom!Shepard's most classic traits: her love for and lack of skill with the Mako.

Also, thank you for the few reviews I've been getting! It's nice to know that the ME fandom is still going after the series has ended, and on such a terrible note besides. Though that's why we take to fandom in the first place, I suppose: that dissatisfaction with canon. Glad the banter seems to be going down well. The other pre-written chapters were getting more angst-y, but just for you lot, I've written a few newer and more light-hearted chapters. I'm up to about 22 of them now.

**Ashen Skies**  
"Kids these days. No respect."


	4. In which Shepard has a close encounter

**Disclaimer**: I am not in any way related to Bioware or the Mass Effect series. I am making no profit from writing this and am doing so purely for pleasure.

**Pairings:** Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian

**Summary**: [What would it have been like if Shepard and Garrus had met as equals?] Spectre Vakarian decides to tag along on Shepard's mission to take down Saren. Their partnership develops in ways neither of them expected, with lots of banter and fluff. This story arc follows ME1 canon, with some liberties taken.

* * *

**Air and Lightning**

_04. In which Shepard has a close encounter or two_

* * *

"This looks like Palavan, but the colours are all wrong."

"It looks more like Eden Prime, or pre-industrialisation Earth."

"This place looks nothing like Tuchanka. In any way. At all."

Shepard turned in her seat to raise an eyebrow at Wrex, who was taking up a third of the Mako's seating area.

"You're always bugging me to talk more. I felt like I should contribute my views."

"Thank you. That was very enlightening," Shepard said gravely. "Well, no sense standing around." She floor the accelerator pedal, and the Mako shot forward into a hill. She heard a couple of thuds, a krogan growl, and a few choice turian swear words. She grinned.

"Turian!"

"What?"

"Can you drive this thing?"

"No, it's of human design."

"Can you learn?"

"I've already gotten hold of the manual, it's only a matter of time!"

"Good. The sooner the better."

Shepard flipped them off over her shoulder, earning a little grunt of laughter from Wrex. "What, is the big bad krogan feeling defeated by a little motion sickness?"

"Your driving would make a _thresher maw_ sick, Shepard."

"And you'd trust a _turian_ to drive you around instead?"

"That tells you something about your driving skills, doesn't it?"

"We've been visiting a lot of rocky planets lately!"

"And your approach seems to be to drive head-first into every rock you see!" Garrus interjected.

Wrex grunted. "Headbutting rocks is a very krogan approach, though."

"Please don't encourage her. _Spirits!_"

That last word was hissed out accompanied by particularly painful-sounding thuds as Shepard jammed the brakes. The Mako screeched to a shuddering halt, leaving crazy zig-zag trails in the ground as it bumped to a stop.

"You'd better have a good reason for this, Shepard!" Wrex bellowed from the backseat.

"_Space cows!_"

"...what?"

Shepard threw open the door of the Mako and scrambled out, not taking her eyes off the strange creatures she'd just spotted on one of the grassy slopes. "Freaking space cows!" she crowed, making a beeline for the nearest one. "Halfway across the damn galaxy and life still manages to find a way to make cows!"

"What?"

"Beef is universal! I just knew it!"

"She's _your_ fellow Spectre," she heard Wrex say pointedly to Garrus.

"You're the one who just compared her to a krogan." There was a sigh, and then she heard light footsteps. Garrus caught up to her easily with his longer legs, and paced her until she stopped a few arm's lengths away from the nearest cow, which was staring at them warily. "Shepard, you realise this is more insane than even your usual?"

She beamed up at him. "I know, and I'm sorry, but... space cows!"

"Will you stop saying that?"

"Sorry, sorry. Cows are a type of animal back on earth. They're delicious. These just look so similar that I got excited... it's really rare to see one."

"Space cows or Earth cows?"

"Both. Earth's been over-populated for ages, so there's little open grasslands left for animals to roam like this." She took a step closer to the cow; it moved several steps back, still eyeing them. stubby hands waved sporadically. "I always wanted a pet."

"You wanted a... cow pet?"

"No, no. A dog, maybe. There were a few strays around back on Earth, but they got taken away pretty quickly. Ironic, isn't it, that there were stricter laws regarding street animals, but not street kids?"

She could sense Garrus' hesitation, and with an effort, she drew herself out of her memories and smiled at him. "Anyway, it's just pretty amazing to me to see animals roaming free."

Garrus paused, and then gave her a tentative smile. "Even such shifty-looking, uh, cows?"

Shepard blinked, and then looked at the space cow again. She snorted. "It _is_ a pretty shifty-looking cow, isn't it?" she said, grinning. "I have to say, those little hands are creepy, and they remind me of something, I just can't pin it down..."

Garrus looked thoughtfully at it, and then made a little choking noise. His mandibles fluttered.

"What?"

He indicated Wrex, standing by the Mako with his arms crossed, glaring at them from a distance. "It rather looks like..."

She blinked. She turned to squint at Wrex, at his leathery hide, his hump, and his short arms. Then she turned back to the cow. Laughter bubbled up inside her chest, and she clapped her hands over her mouth to stifle it. "Oh god, you're right," she managed to say.

"What are you two doing?" Wrex called, annoyed, eyes narrowed at them. The cow chose this moment to make an odd grouchy noise, beady eyes shifting back and forth.

Shepard and Garrus looked from one to the other, and then burst out laughing uncontrollably.

"What?" Wrex demanded.

"The resemblance... is... uncanny!" Shepard gasped, waving her hand in the general direction of the cow.

"Did you just compare me to that... that animal?"

Shepard was laughing too hard to answer. Out of breath, she dropped to the ground and let herself fall onto the soft, strange grass, laughing into the sky. Weeks of tension, of trying to balance tempers and broker peace amongst her team, of flying into strange star system after star system, finding no trace of Saren but instead a whole damn laundry list of Fifth Fleet's little tasks... Feros and Noveria, dead ends both, had only been the start of a whole chain of disappointments. Right here, though, right now, in this moment, Shepard put all thoughts of mercenaries, pirates, geth, husks, and corpses out of her mind, and just laughed.

Garrus' face appeared above her, blocking out the sky. "Wrex is sulking in the Mako," he said. "Also, you've got space grass in your hair."

She grabbed a handful of grass and before she could think better of it, tossed it at Garrus. He jerked back and let out an odd turian sneeze. She broke into laughter again at his almost comical look of surprise, flopping back down on the grass again.

As the mirth slowly faded, leaving her more relaxed than she had been in weeks, she became aware that Garrus was watching her, but not in his usual slightly calculating way. They'd become good friends, and worked incredibly well together, but she'd always felt like he was evaluating her in some form. Now, though, his look was more... thoughtful.

"How do you do that?" he said finally.

"Do what?" she asked, closing her eyes to breathe the air. It was different, but fresh, all the same, and she missed fresh air.

"After everything you've been through... how can you still let go like that? How can you still laugh like... like you're a child again, and know nothing of the world?"

"That was pretty poetic, Garrus."

"Shepard. I'm serious."

"I know." He sounded so lost, genuinely confused and a little upset, a little disappointed. Shepard realised that she really didn't want to see him ever disappointed in her, and chose her words carefully. "If I let all the horrible things and horrible people in the world get to me... if I let them drag me down... then I've lost, no matter how many of them I take down. They've won, even if they die at my hand."

"That's a nice sentiment, but reality –"

"Reality is overwhelming, that's true," Shepard interrupted. "If you let yourself think about all the atrocities out there, you'd be overcome with despair. You'd think, what's the point? Why are we even trying? How can we do anything when faced with such odds? The trick is to focus on what's around you. One step at a time."

"Really."

"When the end goal is too daunting, I think of my immediate tasks. What's my next step? If I can just plod along, I'll get to the end sooner or later. When I start thinking in terms of numbers and not individual lives lost, that's a sign that I'm straying too far from my path, and so I make myself think of what's around me. I think of the immediate people I want to protect, to make the fight _real_ to me again. Like I said. Step by step."

"And that works for you?"

"Yeah." She sighed. "It's hard. You do get overwhelmed, when the death and suffering hits you in the face. At those times I take heart from those who surround me. It's only natural that people reach out to each other. We all keep one another grounded."

"Hmm." Shepard opened her eyes to see Garrus staring out unseeingly over the hills. "There... may be something in what you say. Spectres mostly work alone; I've mostly worked alone these last few years. I'd forgotten what it was like to be in a unit."

She reached over to pat his leg. "You've got one again now," she said. "You've got me."

"Yes." He looked down at her, and there was something new in his gaze... like he was finally seeing her as a person: not another Spectre, not a soldier, not a human, but just... Shepard. Something more personal than the camaraderie and respect that had been there before. "I'll fight to protect your right to lie in the dirt and laugh at space cows," he said solemnly.

"Damn right."

"Come on," he said, unfolding himself and standing up. He offered a hand to her. "We've got a mysterious scientist to save."

Shepard sighed. "Oh, fine," she said, taking his hand and letting him pull her to her feet. "I guess we should go before the shifty-looking space cow steals my credits or something."

"I don't even want to know how you come up with these ideas."

He was looking at her in that new, slightly surprised, very thoughtful, strangely intimate way again. Shepard felt herself blushing slightly, and looked away, patting her hair down to remove any stray blades of grass.

"Are you done insulting my species?" Wrex rumbled as she approached the Mako, with a threatening scowl on his face.

Next to her, she sensed Garrus stiffen, but she had a good grasp of Wrex's personality by then, and she merely grinned at him. "Yup," she said cheerfully. "I'm one up on the insult tally, so you'd better catch up soon."

Wrex broke into a toothy grin. "Not content to just lose to me on the kill count tally, eh?" He thumped the vehicle with a fist, causing the entire car to shake and Garrus to wince in vehicular pain. "Let's get this death trap going, already. Got some kills to rack up."

Shepard managed to find her way to the scientist's hideout with only five death threats between the two aliens in the back of the Mako. They practically threw themselves out of the vehicle in relief even before it fully rolled to a stop, jumping immediately into action – Wrex blasting two of the surprised mercs dead with barely a pause, charging into them with his shotgun, while Garrus sniped two more from where he had partial cover behind the Mako. He hadn't even bothered to set up properly, but had just propped the rifle up on his shoulder.

Shepard was rather envious at the way he casually hoisted the massive gun, and the way he made even on-the-move headshots look so _easy_. While the sniper rifle was her second go-to weapon as an infiltrator, she was still nowhere near as skilled as Garrus was with it. She absently put two well-placed pistol shots into the last mercenary guarding the base as she watched Garrus. There was something absolutely beautiful about the way he handled himself and his weapons, all deadly and unexpected grace.

"That was my kill," Wrex was grumbling as she caught up with them at the door, Garrus in the midst of bypassing the lock with ease. "You sniped him over my shoulder!"

"You should have shot him earlier," Garrus retorted as they moved inside, approaching the inner set of doors.

"Children," Shepard began, "I'm sure – huh." They all dived out of the way as the doors opened to massive gunfire. "At least a couple krogan in there!" she yelled over the noise. "Sniper's yours, Garrus!"

"Too easy! Give me a challenge for once!"

"How about we just sit back here and make snarky comments while you clear the base by yourself, then?"

"Do I get double kill points? Because I'll do it, I've cleared bigger bases than this."

"Double kill points for krogan!" Wrex yelled, barrelling past them into the room.

"Wrex! Oh, damn it!" Shepard swapped her assault rifle ammo out for incendiary. "You can't just change the rules!"

"I think he just did. Scoped and dropped!" Garrus lifted his head from the scope. "Can that sniper count for one and a half? Snipers are hard to get, after all."

"You kidding me? They should count for half a point for you! Way too easy." She hoisted her rifle, took a deep breath, and threw herself into the room after Wrex.

"Shepard!"

"I'm not letting him get all the double points!"

"Spirits save me from rock-headed fools –" The human merc she was aiming at dropped to the floor, head suddenly missing, and she spared a brief second to glare back at Garrus. He smirked at her as he left cover and closed the distance between them in a heartbeat. "If we share a krogan kill, does that mean we get double points each or split it one for one?"

"If you need to share a kill, you don't deserve points!" Wrex yelled, the joyful bloodlust obvious even through the comms and over the defeaning sounds of battle.

"Hey, you've got to consider that we help you soften your target for the final bullet!"

"Yeah, we call that kill-stealing! It's a terrible thing and should be outlawed," Shepard said, ducking out of cover to aim at a salarian merc – only to see him drop, body riddled with bullets. "What – Garrus! What did I just say?"

"You were too slow. Shoot faster."

"This coming from Mr Don't-Rush-My-Perfect-Shot Sniper?"

"I am KROGAN! AHAHAHA! Two points!"

"Four and a half."

"I told you, snipers are _not_ one and a half points!"

"Oh, so Wrex gets to decide on a whim that krogan count as two, but I can't? That's favouritism!"

There was a roar, and the thunder of a krogan charge towards her. Shepard grinned ferally. "Snipers don't do this!" she yelled, and swung out of cover to meet the charge head on, incendiary bullets flaming. The krogan merc roared, and at the last minute she dived out of his way, putting a few more bullets into his back. He shrugged it off like flies.

"Snipers do kill you in one bullet," Garrus pointed out, voice slightly strained as he played tag with the krogan, not being able to get proper hits in, but not taking any bad hits either.

"Only _you_ do that. The ones we've met can barely aim!"

"The potential is there!"

"Well the potential for a krogan to regenerate and rip my head off is even _more_ there!"

"That doesn't make sense!"

"We're dodging krogans now, not snipers. That speaks for itself."

"That's just because I do my job properly! If I stopped taking out the snipers for you, you'd appreciate them more."

"It takes you all of three seconds to kill a sniper. You couldn't kill a krogan in three even if you wanted to!"

"Hey, it takes more than – _Shepard_!"

The blow felt like it came from a tree, folding her up and smashing her hard into the floor. She fought for breath, gasping sickly, as she swung her rifle up, staring into the battle-crazed leer of the krogan merc above her –

Whose chest exploded, incendiary ammo charring the edges of the wound as bits of blood and bone and flesh rained down onto her armour.

"Eurgh."

Wrex peered down at her through the hole, and grinned when he saw her unharmed. "Less talk, more killing," he said, still high from the battle. He shoved the teetering body aside, and they both watched it crash onto the floor. "You two talk too much. I have six points to your zero, Shepard."

"We haven't agreed that krogan count for two yet," she said grumpily. "And you may have gotten the last shot in, but we weakened him!"

"Yet I still had to kill him for you. Two points, Shepard."

Garrus strode over, shaking his head ruefully. "That was the most stupid thing I've seen you do in a while," he told her, the worry in his eyes fading as he looked her over. "You lost track of your target."

"You were distracting me!"

"Excuses."

"Two points," Wrex repeated insistently.

She groaned, letting Garrus pull her to her feet again. "Fine," she said, and lost the fight against her grin. "Two points, and I owe you one."

"Crate of ryncol," Wrex said immediately. "Then we're square."

"I'll keep an eye out next port." She looked down at her gore-streaked armour, and made a face. "May have to burn this suit," she said, half-joking. "Come on, let's go find this scientist and see why he's surrounded by mercs."

The scene that met them when the final door slid open was ugly. Shepard listened to Corporal Toombs' story with growing fury, a dark, bitter bile at the back of her throat. Experiments, treating people as worth less than even objects – that was one of the things she hated most. She snapped a few questions at the scientist, and was less than satisfied with his answers. More than that, she could read him, could see it in his eyes – even now, he didn't really think that he'd been wrong. Even now he didn't regret.

The muscles in her hand twitched, and the pistol she was training on the two men wavered slightly to the man on the left. The scientist's eyes widened, and his babble increased. Toombs screamed back at him, accusations coming one after another, each story more horrific than the last.

"Shepard."

She flicked her gaze slightly towards Garrus at the quiet sound of her name.

"This is your Saleon."

She blinked. Remembered accompanying Garrus to the ship where Dr Saleon had been hiding, remembered the urge to kill the bastard on the spot, remembered stopping Garrus from doing just that. That mission had been one of the turning points in Garrus' opinion of her; he had really opened up after that, becoming much more receptive to her overtures of friendship and her words.

It had been hard to do the right thing, back on that ship. It was _much_ harder now, with Toombs' haunted eyes right in front of her, the history of his pain etched into every trembling line of his body, hearing him lay out all the horrors they had inflicted on him. It was so much harder seeing the living, feeling product of all that torture, a fellow soldier, staring at her and begging for salvation. For vengeance.

But to what end?

"Toombs."

Both men fell silent, gazes latching onto her.

"I couldn't save you then," she said quietly. "If I were there, I would have stopped at nothing to help you. Let me help you now."

It took a few more moments to talk him down. At one point the scientist interrupted, but she cut him off with a look so venomous that he qualied, shrinking in on himself. That seemed to decide something for Toombs, and after a few more seconds, he lowered his gun.

"Take him, then," he said, eyes and voice bleak. "Get him to talk. Maybe find out more about Cerberus. Maybe then... maybe then the screaming will stop."

Wrex stomped forward, eyes darker than usual, to clamp a heavy hand down on the scientist's shoulder. He half-shoved, half-dragged the man out into the corridor. Toombs trailed after them like a lost shadow.

Shepard took a deep breath, and then let it out slowly. She turned to meet Garrus' solemn gaze. "Thanks," she said.

"You wouldn't have shot him."

"How can you be so sure?" She winced, thinking of how close it had been. "I get really... I don't think straight when faced with personal pain like that. Listening to Toombs... I was so close."

"You wouldn't have, even so. But I would have stopped you. We keep each other grounded, remember?"

She smiled faintly. "Using my words again."

"You have quite a few good ones, surprisingly." He tilted his head at her. "I still remember your words to me, when you stopped me from killing Saleon outright. You did me a favour. I'm only returning it."

"You're going to give me more of an ego."

"Shepard, that would be like a grain of sand in a dessert. Your ego's big enough that it won't matter."

"Oh, hey, we've got a similar saying. Drop of water in an ocean."

"Interesting. I suppose it evolved that way because your world is mostly ocean, while Palaven is largely plants and rocks and sand. Funny how such sayings still pretty much translate across species, though."

"Yeah." She realised that she was still fiddling with her pistol, and made herself holster it. "Some things are universal, I guess."

"Like... what was it called... beef?"

That made her laugh involuntarily, the tension in her easing. "Yes," she said, smiling up at Garrus. "You got it."

"Come on, partner," he said, nudging her. "Let's get out of here."

"Partner, hmm?"

"Uh. That is... I thought..."

She grinned at him. "Partners sounds good."

* * *

End Chapter 04

* * *

**Author's Note**: as you may have noticed, in this chapter I explain why Shepard has the time to go explore all the other non-plot systems. That always bugged me in-game in terms of story - time is of the essence, but I'm going to take a detour or fifty into these other random star systems, no problem. So my take on this is that Shepard did visit Feros and Noveria, but things hadn't escalated yet. No signs of geth or the Matriarch. So she's forced to go look in each and every other system in hopes of finding something some other clue. Like I said, I'm taking some liberties with canon times and plot.

Thanks to all as usual for reviews! A few names are worth mentioning. **Mordinette**, I realise that I've read a few of your stories before and loved them; looking forward to seeing more stories from you to fuel my own ME fandom thirst! Thank you for commenting each chapter as well. **JaliceAZ**, your PM raised an interesting point and so I've added a few lines into the next chapter about that scent issue, just for you. I appreciate your reviewing each time too.

Hope you all enjoyed.

**Ashen Skies**  
"Beef is universal!"


	5. In which Garrus is the turian James Bond

**Disclaimer**: I am not in any way related to Bioware or the Mass Effect series. I am making no profit from writing this and am doing so purely for pleasure.

**Pairings:** Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian

**Summary**: [What would it have been like if Shepard and Garrus had met as equals?] Spectre Vakarian decides to tag along on Shepard's mission to take down Saren. Their partnership develops in ways neither of them expected, with lots of banter and fluff. This story arc follows ME1 canon, with some liberties taken.

* * *

**Air and Lightning**

_05. In which Garrus is the turian James Bond_

* * *

"Hey Chief. Still up for that plan I talked to you about before?"

"What plan? Oh!" Ashley's eyes widened. "Uh – you mean, now?"

"Pressly just notified me that he found a suitable planet nearby."

"What – _Pressly?"_

Garrus smirked at her. He knew exactly what she was thinking right now; in the small space they shared, he'd learned a lot about her moods and how to read them. "Yes, I've been talking to the crew, making rounds, Shepard's inspiration, you know... Navigator Pressly has been perfectly professional and helpful, any personal reservations towards my species aside. Is there a problem, Chief?"

By now, Ashley could recognise when he was needling her, too. She rolled her eyes at him. "Laugh it up, Vakarian." She looked around her at the various guns littering her workbench. "Give me ten minutes?"

"Sure. I'll round up the others in that time."

"Will do."

Garrus sauntered over to where Wrex was hammering out some dents from his armour. "Wrex," he said cheerfully. "Suit up. Airlock in ten."

"Who are you to give me orders, turian?"

The words weren't hostile, as they would have been many weeks ago. Now they were just impatient. Garrus smiled. "You get to shoot things," he said. "It's all very exciting."

"Real action?"

"Somewhat."

Wrex eyed him. "This had better be good, turian," he warned.

Garrus spread his arms, feigning hurt. "When am I ever not good?" he said.

The krogan snorted. "You and Shepard are as bad as each other. Go away."

"See you in ten?"

"Fine. But if I'm not entertained, I'm coming for you."

Garrus laughed, heading down to engineering. "Tali!" he called, poking his head in through the door. "Ready up and be at the airlock in ten!"

"What? I thought we were headed back to the Citadel – Garrus? Garrus!"

He heard her stomping out of engineering and up the corridor, but by then the elevator doors were already beginning to close. The last he saw was her stopping just short of Wrex, still slightly wary of him, but not nearly as scared as she had been at the start. "What was that all about?" she asked the world at large.

"Smug bastard playing games," Wrex grunted. "The human knows more."

"Ashley?"

"I've been sworn to secrecy." Her voice began to fade as the lift rose up and away. The last thing Garrus heard was her saying, faintly, "It's a good thing, though, I promise."

When the doors opened again, Garrus sauntered past the mess hall. "Kaidan," he called. "Groundside in ten, be ready at the airlock."

Kaidan frowned. "Does the Commander know about this?"

Ever the faithful sidekick. Garrus pushed away that uncharitable thought, and nodded at Kaidan instead. "You might say she's pre-approved it."

"Pre-approved?"

Garrus knocked on Shepard's door.

"Come in!"

He tapped the lock panel, and the door slid open. He beamed at Shepard, who had swivelled in her chair to raise an eyebrow at him. "What's up, Garrus?"

"Remember when I asked you for four hours, team-time, and you said yes?"

She made a face. "Unfortunately, yes, I remember."

"I've come to collect on that promise." When Shepard still looked a little unconvinced, he toned down the excitement and just smiled at her. "Trust me."

She groaned. "That line is so overused."

He blinked, genuinely confused. "What?"

"Earth vids. Such a cheesy line." She was grinning at him, though, so he let her strange human ways slide. "Fine. I'm curious to know what you've come up with."

He grinned back. "Airlock in ten," he told her, and backed out of the room again, letting the doors closed. Flexing one amused mandible at Kaidan, he said to the man, "Good enough for you?"

"Uh, yes, sorry. Vakarian." Kaidan nodded at him, and hastily began to clear up around himself. "See you in ten."

Garrus nodded back – damn infectious human gestures – and strolled away, but not before snagging the mess sergeant on his way. "Did you prepare what I asked you for?" he asked quietly.

The woman grinned up at him conspiratorily. "Already packed. Pressly contacted me," she explained when he tilted his head at her in surprise.

Garrus felt warmth spread through his chest. He'd underestimated the humans, especially Pressly. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

She waved his thanks away. "Nah, no need," she said. "Happy to do it. Commander's been looking like she needs to take some time off. Package is at the airlock, have fun."

"I'll make sure of it."

He made his way up to the cockpit. Joker was cruising now, gently steering them into orbit above the marbled planet below. "Hey Garrus," he said cheerfully. "Very cloak-and-dagger, eh? I feel like I'm in a spy novel." He affected a deep, swaggering voice. "Vakarian," he said. "Garrus Vakarian."

Garrus sighed. "This is another humanism I'm not going to understand, isn't it?"

Joker laughed. "Remind me to mail you some James Bond stuff. Books, vids, the works. I've got them all."

"Do I want to know?"

"Shepard loves them too." Joker smirked at him and waggled his eyebrows. "He and Blasto are her idols."

"This James Bond person?"

"Oh yeah. Double-oh-seven, licence to kill. Shaken, not stirred. Though admittedly, that was one of his weaker moments. Real men stir!"

Garrus stared at him. "You do this on purpose, I swear," he groused. "Every time I come up here, half the conversation is gibberish. Every time."

"What does it say about you that you keep returning for more, then?"

Garrus lightly flicked the brim of Joker's cap the way he'd seen Shepard do. "It means I'm a sucker for punishment," he drawled.

The usual wary, defensive hunch to Joker's shoulders straightened out as the pilot snorted. "I knew there was a reason Shepard likes you so much, that slave-driver. A masochistic turian is just up her street." He pitched his voice higher. "Joker!" he squeaked. "Pick me up from this exploding lava fountain, on the double!"

Garrus choked, torn between amusement and horror.

"I heard that." Shepard strode up to them, coming up to Joker's other side. She punched him on the shoulder. "Badmouthing your superiors? I could court-martial you for insubordination, you know."

"Yes, but who would save you from exploding volanoes?" Garrus interjected.

Joker crowed with laughter. "You tell her, Garrus! Put it right here, man!" He held up his hand, palm open.

Garrus prodded the hand. "Put what where?" he said, confused.

"Seriously?" Joker turned to Shepard. "You haven't taught your pet turian about high fives or James Bond? For shame!"

"Garrus is a Spectre and knows many ways to kill you, Joker. Show some respect."

"I don't mind," Garrus said easily. "He only mocks me because he knows he can't match my brilliance."

Shepard sighed, but the corners of her lips twitched as Joker glowered at him. "That's it, no James Bond for you, mister," he said.

"That's okay, I'm sure Shepard will be happy to educate me with her own collection." Garrus looked at Shepard enquiringly. "I'm told that James Bond is one of your idols."

To his amusement, she flushed slightly. "What has Joker been telling you?" she grumbled. "He's not... look, it's a guilty pleasure of mine, alright? I know it's cheesy, I know there are some godawful lines, I know it's over-the-top –"

"Shepard," Garrus interrupted, amused, "I have no idea what you're talking about. What's so bad about this human being your idol?"

She blinked at him, and then smiled sheepishly. "Oh. Right. Uh, well, James Bond is a fictional character. There are lots of stories and vids about his adventures, and most of them are ridiculously exaggerated. He's super-spy, secret-agent type, with exploding pens and invisible cars and all sorts of silly things. Serial womanizer, too. Terrible sex puns." She grinned suddenly. "That last bit is kinda like you."

"So... is it a compliment or an insult that Joker compared me to him?"

"What, Garrus Vakarian, the not-very-secret, not-so-super spy?" She lowered her voice like Joker had done. "Vakarian. Garrus Vakarian."

He sighed. "I'm assuming that's a James Bond joke."

"Kind of. Your name doesn't roll off the tongue quite so well, though. Try saying it."

"No."

"Oh, come on! Please?"

"I've got to hear this," Joker said eagerly, grinning widely. "Pretty please?"

"No!"

"Please?" they said together.

"Please what?"

Garrus groaned as Ashley joined them. She set the crate she was holding down on the floor with a thump. She'd also somehow roped Wrex into helping her, and the krogan dropped his own crate next to hers.

"Garrus as a turian James Bond," Joker informed Ashley. "What do you think?"

"James who?"

"Thank you!" Garrus said. "Finally, a sane human!"

"We have got to educate the entire ship, Shepard," Joker said mournfully. "It makes me want to cry knowing that no one else appreciates our cultural heritage."

"Say it just once," Shepard said to Garrus. "Please?"

He couldn't quite resist the laughing look in her eyes. They really were the most amazing shade of green. With a sigh, Garrus drew himself upright, let a slight swagger enter the set of his body and his subvocals, lowered his main vocals, and purred as smoothly as he could: "Vakarian. Garrus... Vakarian."

"_Oh my god."_ Joker broke down, doubled over, pounding the armrest of his chair, tears trickling from the corners of his eyes as he laughed himself sick. Garrus could sense Ashley's complete and utter confusion as she demanded _someone_ tell her what was going on; he could feel Wrex's exasperation in the little grunt of annoyance that the krogan let out. None of that mattered, though, because all his attention was on Shepard.

She had shivered as his voice had washed over her, and he filed that mentally away in his mind as both _interesting_ and _useful_. What he'd been waiting for, though, was that unguarded laughter that spilled out of her, the sight and sound of Shepard just revelling in the moment. Ever since he had seen her laugh like that the first time, he'd made it a personal mission to get her to let her guard down like that again.

"Did we miss somthing?" That was Kaidan, joining them with Tali in tow.

Garrus didn't turn, smiling to himself as he watched Shepard quickly shift to face away from them, covering her face with her hands as she tried to control herself. Her shoulders were still shaking with laughter, though. "Nothing important," he answered. To Joker, he added, "So did I get the tone right?"

Joker, who was still wheezing with mirth, gave him a thumbs-up. Garrus at least knew what that meant in humanese. Shepard drew a few deep breaths, cleared her throat, and finally looked at him, tears making her eyes brighter than usual. "It was perfect," she said. "Absolutely perfect."

Garrus grinned.

Joker recovered enough to drop them off on the planet's surface, since they were too many to fit into the Mako for their usual higher-altitude drop. When the Normandy had vanished into the sky again, leaving them standing on the vast open hilltop, Shepard turned to Garrus, hands on her hips. "Going to let us in on the secret now, Vakarian?" she said archly.

"Patience is a virtue, Shepard." He gestured to Ashley. "Chief! If you would be so kind?"

Ashley gave him a mock-salute, and flipped open the first crate, revealing a stack of stationary hovering targets sitting next to some blank-shot laser ammo for target practice. The second crate revealed a selection of moving drones.

"What about those two?" Tali asked when Ashley didn't open the remaining two crates.

"It's a surprise," Garrus said cheerfully.

"I don't even know what those are," Ashley admitted.

Garrus grinned at them. "You'll find out later. Now, I've been observing all of you, and I'm sure you've been observing one another, too. So I hope you won't take it the wrong way when I say that there is a _lot_ we each can improve on. Tali, your tech manipulation is unparalleled, but the way you handle your shotgun will cause you to injure _yourself_ without even taking outside damage. Liara, the same applies to your biotics and your use of the pistol, except that you're even worse than Tali; you hold it like you would hold a dead rat. Kaidan, you're adept at the pistol, but your handle on biotics is unstable at best. Wrex, you've got brute strength, but you need to refine your biotic control and also your aim when it comes to things beyond arm's reach. Shepard..."

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Your sniping _sucks_."

"Hey!"

"Also your tech use is awful. My grandmother could do a better Overload."

"Hey!"

Garrus grinned at her, and then looked back at the rest. Most of them were looking sheepish and thoughtful, but Wrex was glowering, and Ashley was watching him with concern. Time to do a little bit of diplomatic handling.

"Wrex, you're probably the deadliest of all of us," he said honestly. "I would happily spar against anyone else and relish the challenge, but with you I would hesitate to try. You've saved my life and Shepard's life in battle more than once and I won't forget that. But," he said, putting some force behind it as he met Wrex's glare head-on, "you've also nearly gotten us killed a few times, too. Remember those exploding crates? That imploding barrier? Or how about that merc who kept dodging out of melee range?"

Wrex crossed his arms, his glare lessening. "I get the job done," he growled, but he was looking a little thoughtful and a little less angry.

"Can't argue with that," Garrus agreed, "but you could get it done more efficiently, is what I'm trying to say. I was thinking that Ashley could help with your assault rifle aim, and Liara could help with biotic control and maybe even teach you that Singularity skill of hers, which is damn useful, let me tell you. Do you mind, Liara?"

Liara looked startled. "Me? No, of course not, I'd be happy to help... that is, if you want me to," she said hesitantly, looking at Wrex.

There was a long pause. Then the krogan nodded gruffly. "I've seen that skill in use," he said. "It isn't bad."

That was as close to agreement as he would ever get, Garrus knew. He grinned, and decided not to push. "Kaidan," he said, "your biotics keep fluctuating. Sometimes you can pull an amazing move off, sometimes you fizzle. Liara can help you with control, Wrex with sheer power. In return, it would be good if you could teach Liara to handle her pistol properly; you're the most accurate with it out of the lot of us."

"Happy to help," Kaidan said, smiling at Liara, who smiled back.

"Tali, you're going to break something with the kickback from your shotgun. Either Ashley or Wrex can help you with that. I'd love to get some tips from you about tech, though, and Shepard can definitely benefit from that too."

"I'm not that bad," Shepard said, rolling her eyes.

Tali grinned, the lights in her helmet flickering. "Shepard, when you threw that first overload from behind cover last mission I went on, that merc thought it was a flea."

"That wasn't... that doesn't count!"

Wrex snorted. "The turian can take down whole shields with one move. Your idea of an Overload leaves a shield strong enough to take a point blank shotgun blast from my gun – and believe me, _nothing_ stands up to more than two shots from my shotgun."

"You're all such insubordinate assholes. See if I take you anywhere nice ever again."

"The last planet we went to had_ two_ thresher maws, Shepard. Two."

"Yeah, that was fun."

"It took us four days to repair the Mako."

"You know, it's too bad we didn't bring the Mako along," Tali said. "You could teach her to drive while the rest of us work on combat skills."

"I think it's a lost cause," Liara said, shaking her head sadly.

Shepard glared at Garrus. "This is all your fault."

"Your lack of skill is not my fault, Shepard. I can't help you with driving – but we can work on sniping right now." He smirked at her. "At least you can get one thing right."

She flipped him off. Wrex guffawed while Kaidan winced, quickly turning away and beckoning to Liara. "Let's start with pistol basics, shall we?" he said. "Ash? Want to come help?"

"Don't mind if I do."

"Give me some of those," Wrex ordered when Kaidan pulled out a stationary target and a few ammo packs. "You, quarian. Get over here."

"I have a name," Tali muttered, but obeyed as Kaidan tossed a target at Wrex, then a couple of laser ammo.

Garrus pulled out his sniper rifle. "Looks like it's you and me," he said to Shepard, tossing her the practice ammo he'd tucked into his pockets.

"Joy of joys," she said dryly, pulling out her own rifle.

"You're good enough with stationary targets, so let's try the moving ones." He retrieved one, and they found an empty space away from the others, with a convenient waist-high rock. Putting the drone on the lowest setting, he watched as it moved slowly through the air in circles. "Good enough. Set up and let me see. Aim for the center of the drone."

He eyed Shepard critically as she knelt behind the rock, propping the rifle up, regulating her breaths and her muscles. She fired; the ammo painted a laser-bright line through the air, leaving a glowing spot on one of the drone's wings, its spherical body untouched.

"Shoot on the exhale, like when you do weights training."

She breathed. In, out, in – she fired.

"You're too tense. Relax your muscles."

He could see her muscles straining, though. Crouching down next to her, he pressed the soft pads of his talons to her back, the other hand to her neck. "Relax here and here," he told her, absently noting how soft her skin was. It was strange – his impression of her was one of such strength, so much so that it was easy to forget how fragile humans really were. Thin skin and fine veins so close to the surface, unprotected by carapace.

Her heartbeat was speeding up. "I think I've got it," she said.

Reluctantly, he dropped his hands, but remained crouched next to her. "Try it then."

She fired again. The laser left a glower smeared streak along the body casing of the drone.

"Better. Again."

He watched the play of muscle as she adjusted her body minutely, fascinated by her every movement. Breathing in, he took in the scent, Shepard's scent, that had come to mean _comfort_ to him. It was strange how a human could smell like the sun-baked earth of Palaven, all packed dirt and life-giving ground rich from the seasonal rains. Perhaps it was because Shepard spent so much time in her armour that she had taken on that slight tinge of metal that was common on Palaven, but no matter the reason, that was what Shepard smelled like to him: fresh earth, hand-woven cotton, and that subtle scent of all kinds of living flora.

They had been spending so much time talking, or just sitting in silence, that he was growing used to having her scent curling around him. It was rapidly becoming one of his favourite things to be surrounded by.

Shepard fired again, and missed the drone completely. "Stop staring," she grumbled, heart rate still racing.

Garrus huffed. "Am I supposed to help you with my eyes closed? Adjust your left hand grip lower, and spread your right hand more for a wider base of support. You've got five fingers, use them."

She changed her grip and fired. The rifle slipped a little. She snorted. "That was a lot of help."

"That's odd. Here." Garrus put his hand over hers. "Align your two fingers with... yes, like that. Damn, Shepard, your hands are tiny."

"Yours are too big," she retorted, her face red.

Suddenly Garrus realised that he was practically on top of her, his body almost wrapped around her back, and he jerked back, feeling his plates heat up from underneath with embarassment. "Try again," he said, carefully putting some distance betweent hem.

She took a few seconds to settle down, before she fired again. This time, the shot was closer to the middle.

"I can feel the difference!" she exclaimed.

"You sound surprised."

Shepard grinned over her shoulder at him. "Any more tips, oh great secret agent sniper?"

He poked her shoulder. "Try looking at your target, for one," he said, amused.

They spent the next hour or so working on her technique with increasingly faster drones. He was careful to keep slightly away from her. Her scent did something odd to his concentration, and he couldn't stop thinking about the feel of her muscles shifting under his hands. Rather despairingly, he wondered when his life had gotten this... strange. Maybe he was just touch-starved; possibly he needed to blow off some steam with a random turian female, and soon.

Therefore when Kaidan came over to say that Tali was getting the hang of shotguns and wanted to work with Garrus and Shepard on tech for a while, he gladly went. It was hard to bite back the annoyed growl when Kaidan put a hand on Shepard's arm to pull her over, though. Garrus breathed easier when Kaidan let go to head over to Wrex and Liara to work on biotics, but then he cursed himself mentally. Why did he care if Kaidan was trying to claim Shepard?

He didn't. He _didn't_ care, he just thought that Shepard deserved better, but she was free to do what she wanted.

Garrus spent the next two hours telling himself that.

"Hey, Vakarian."

"What?" he snapped.

Ashley gave him a strange look. "Stick up your ass much?" she said, and then her eyes widened. "Crap – I didn't mean – I'm so sorry –"

Garrus laughed, some tension inside him easing. "No, sorry, I was rude first. What's the matter?"

She shrugged. "It's just been nearly three hours. Didn't you want to... I mean, you asked Pressly for a planet like this for a reason, right?"

"What? Oh! Yes, thank you for reminding me. Shall we gather everyone again?"

Ashley put two fingers to her lips, and gave the most horrendous, ear-piercing whistle he'd ever heard. He cringed as everyone's heads shot around to stare at them. "That was her," he said, pointing accusingly at Ashley.

"Yes, we figured," Shepard said dryly. "It's not like you've got the lips for it."

"Hey, turians have lips. Ours are just... stiffer."

"Really?" Tali came up to peer at his face closely. "Oh, you're right."

Shepard cleared her throat. "Any reason for the eardrum-bursting?" she said.

Garrus beamed. "You're going to love this." He waved a hand at the forest surrounding the hill. "I asked Pressly for a planet with wildlife we could hunt. There's a breed of pyjak down there that moves pretty fast, and they're populous enough that an hour's hunting won't put a dent in their numbers at all. So I thought we could put some of our newly trained skills to use, and have a competition."

Wrex smacked a fist into a palm, grinning broadly. "Finally! Some proper fun!"

"I did promise you some entertainment."

"Yeah, maybe I won't have to hurt you after all, turian."

"Thanks," he said dryly. "Well? We all up for it? One hour, then we meet back here. Highest kill count wins. Anything goes, be it tech traps or biotic bombs."

Tali bounced a little. "I've got some ideas I want to try out," she said excitedly.

"I've got a few tricks to experiment with, too," Liara said modestly.

"I'm just going to shoot things," Ashley announced.

Wrex shifted impatiently. "What are we waiting for?" he demanded.

"Sync your omni-tools, then." It took only a few seconds for them to all adjust their tech. "Okay. One hour, remember, and get back on time. You really don't want to miss the last surprise of the day!"

"Ooh, what is it?" Tali said eagerly.

"You'll just have to be back here in an hour," Garrus said smugly.

Shepard snickered. "You really are a turian James Bond," she remarked. "You've got the whole mysterious thing down. If you weren't so cute it would be annoying."

"I don't think anyone else in the universe would think to call a turian _cute_," Ashley said dryly.

"It's just an expression," Kaidan said hurriedly. "It doesn't mean anything."

"I think it's just Shepard," Liara said, with a soft smile at the Commander. "She finds the good in everything."

"Will you all stop talking?" Wrex growled. "We've got pyjaks to kill!"

"Humans are kind of pyjak, if you think about it," Garrus said thoughtfully.

"I wouldn't mind killing them too if you don't all _hurry up_."

"Fine, fine. One hour... and it starts... now!"

With a roar, Wrex charged down the hill towards the alien-looking trees, Ashley following him with a whoop of glee. Kaidan and Tali sped off in different directions, wisely choosing to head away from the noise that the krogan was making. That left Shepard, who was watching them all with a wistful smile on her face.

"What's wrong?" Garrus asked, a little anxious.

"Nothing," she said, turning to look at him. "It's just... this was a really good idea, Garrus. I should have thought of it. Thank you."

He felt his mandibles fluttering with happiness, and pulled them tight to his face to stop it. "You can't be everywhere and think of everything, Shepard," he said. "Besides, we turians are used to bouncing ideas off each other and training together. You humans train on your own, even if you're in a room together working out."

Shepard thought about that. "You may be right," she said. "I didn't really think about it like that. I may have to make sessions like these a regular occurence... I really liked this afternoon."

He scratched his fringe, a little embarrassed. "I'm glad," was the only thing he could think to say.

She reached out to touch his arm for a moment. "Thank you again," she said, honest and completely open to him. Her smile was like the sunrise. "I think... I really like this whole partner thing."

Garrus could only stand there and gape at her, his plates burning where she touched him, frozen into place by her strange and alien but unmistakeable beauty. It wasn't anything that he was used to thinking of as beautiful, but that didn't stop him from being overwhelmed by it.

"See you in an hour, then," Shepard said, drawing back with a self-conscious little grin. "Looking forward to that last surprise." She gave him a wave, and then turned and jogged off. In a few heartbeats she was gone.

_Well, damn._

Letting out the breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding, Garrus finally pulled out his own assault rifle and turned towards the forest. Shepard would never stop surprising him, he reflected. Perhaps that wasn't such a bad thing.

He had surprises of his own, too.

Casting a glance at the last two crates, securely locked with his own personal software codes (he knew for a fact that Kaidan had secretly tried to decrypt it earlier, and failed), Garrus allowed himself a moment of pure satisfaction. The mess sergeant had really outdone herself... most of it was standard ship fare, but she'd managed to at least make some of Shepard's favourite foods. That knowledge had come from Joker, who had secretly contacted Anderson on Garrus' behalf, and the two of them had presented Garrus with a list. He had then conspired with the mess sergeant to procure ingredients for the more viable dishes that a ship's limited kitchen could handle. Pressly, as XO, had helped him smuggle the ingredients on board on one of their earlier docking trips.

Actually, he did rather feel like some secret agent. Huh. He highly doubted that secret agents were known for their surprise picnic skills, though.

He couldn't wait to see Shepard's face.

Smiling to himself, feeling absurdly happy for reasons he didn't want to think about too deeply right now, Garrus ran after Shepard. He had some kills of hers to steal.

* * *

End Chapter 05

* * *

**Author's Note:** Not sure how many people are still following this, but hope you enjoyed. I know this chapter isn't as fun as the rest, but I wanted to write more of Garrus doing things, not just Shepard. Once again, reviews are appreciated.

**Edit:** Noticed some typos and made the corrections. Also, I realised I completely forgot to add in an entire chunk of story, which was what the 'mess sergeant' bit was supposed to lead to; I've added a few extra scenes in as a result. Thanks for the kind comments so far! They do give me inspiration.

**Ashen Skies**  
"Real men stir!"


	6. In which Shepard makes progress

**Disclaimer**: I am not in any way related to Bioware or the Mass Effect series. I am making no profit from writing this and am doing so purely for pleasure.

**Pairings:** Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian

**Summary**: [What would it have been like if Shepard and Garrus had met as equals?] Spectre Vakarian decides to tag along on Shepard's mission to take down Saren. Their partnership develops in ways neither of them expected, with lots of banter and fluff. This story arc follows ME1 canon, with some liberties taken.

* * *

**Air and Lightning**

_06. In which Shepard makes progress_

* * *

"I swear, I thought he was going to kiss her when she signed that autograph for him!"

"You'd have punched him before he could do it, though."

"Well, yes, we have to protect the Commander –"

"I think the Commander can protect herself, el-tee."

"Maybe, but it wouldn't look good if she hit a civilian."

"And it would look good on _your_ record?"

"Better on mine than hers."

"Oh, you are so far gone."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're almost as bad as Verner."

"Now that's unfair."

"True enough. Did you hear him mention his wife? Poor woman."

"I can't see him with a wife, maybe he mentioned it to throw Shepard off the trial? I bet he stalks her, we should keep tabs on him."

"What if he thinks Shepard _is_ his wife? In his little fantasy world?"

Shepard cleared her throat, making Ashley and Kaidan jump in surprise. "Gossiping about your commanding officer?" she said.

"No ma'am!" The two humans snapped to attention, turning slightly red as they ripped off a salute.

"Didn't see you there, ma'am," Kaidan added.

"You move damn silently for someone in armour," Ashley agreed.

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "You two talk loudly enough to mask even a krogan approaching," she said dryly. "No offense, Wrex."

"None taken," the krogan growled from across the bay.

Ashley's eyes widened. "Wait, how did he hear that? We're all the way at the back of the hangar bay, and you didn't raise your voice..."

Shepard sighed. "The hangar bay echoes... and the krogans have a much better sense of hearing than we do. So the the turians, for that matter." She lowered her voice and stage-whispered, "They're notorious gossips, mark my words."

"I heard that!" Garrus called.

Ashley's face was burning red. "So that means... all our conversations..."

"Yup. They heard every word."

"Including the one where I..."

"Where you expressed your worries about trusting aliens? Yes."

Kaidan turned wide eyes on Ashley. "You said that to the Commander?"

"Well, yes, but I was just... I mean...!"

Shepard laughed. "It's okay," she said. "I'd rather have honesty than let you stew in your own problems. You've been more than professional in any case, and you've really made progress in getting along with the rest of the team."

"If you're going to kiss any cheeks, though, try the asari instead of the turian!" Wrex chortled.

"My scaly hide is more attractive than your scaly hide, krogan."

"Attractive to pyjaks, maybe."

"Quiet, or I'll take you both on long drives until you kiss and make up."

"You know, that could be considered cruel and unjust punishment."

"You're just a wimp, my driving isn't that bad –"

"Yes it is!" four voices chorused at once.

Shepard scowled at them all: a grinning Garrus, a laughing Wrex, a still-mortified Ashley, and a sheepish Kaidan. "Insubordination and mutiny," she declared. "Well, in any case, the next mission involves no driving at all. We've been asked to do the Alliance a favour."

"What is it that the Alliance can't handle?" Ashley asked curiously.

"Hostage situation. Kaidan, you're up – L2 biotics are involved. Be at the docking tube in ten."

"Aye aye, ma'am!" Kaidan fairly ran off, beaming.

"Who's your third, skipper?"

"That would be me."

Ashley blinked. "Uh..."

Shepard turned to Garrus, who was watching them. "How would you like to lead in this one?"

A flicker of one mandible betrayed some surprise. "Why the sudden change?"

She raised an eyebrow. "You even need to ask? Garrus, you've been incredibly patient on this ship, following my lead even though you're technically the more senior Spectre," she said. "So many others would have tried to undermine me by now, but you packed me a _picnic lunch_. With my favourite foods! You've saved me and saved my sanity, countless times. So I figured, now that I've got a good enough feel for team dynamics by leading various missions, it's high time that I get a feel for your kind of leadership as well. We're partners, after all."

"That's... a very even-handed approach, Shepard."

"You deserve no less," Shepard said. "Hell, you deserve much more. I _want_ to do this for you. Besides, friendship aside, you've shown that you have some really brilliant ideas and skills, and it would be unfair of me to not acknowledge that."

Garrus tilted his head, brilliantly blue gaze searing her. Shepard fought back a blush. Finally, Garrus smiled, and it was one of his genuinely pleased ones, his mandibles gently flexing. Shepard had come to really like seeing Garrus so happy and relaxed; when turians expressed emotion, they did it with their whole bodies, with the set and tension of their plates and muscles. Watching Garus relax was like watching a cat stretching luxuriously.

"You surprise me time and again, Shepard," Garrus said, picking up his weapons and fixing them in place. "I accept. Be ready in ten."

She grinned at him. "Yes, sir, Vakarian, sir!"

As Garrus headed to the doors, Ashley looked like she wanted to say something, but kept silent. After the elevator doors shut behind the turian, Shepard raised an eyebrow at her. "Something on your mind, Chief?"

The other woman opened her mouth, caught sight of Wrex tinkering with something on his amp, and closed it again. She looked over at the Mako, at Garrus' unofficial station. Then, to Shepard's pleased surprise, Ash's features smoothed out. "No, ma'am," she said, sounding unusually thoughtful.

"Sure about that?"

Ash nodded slowly. "I have to admit... well, you can tell that my first reaction wasn't the best. But like you said... I'm learning. Hell of a thing at this stage of my career, but I'm learning. Vakarian isn't so bad, really. He knows what he's doing on the field, and off the field he's been making rounds like you do. He's also the reason I've had lasagne for the first time in years, and that wins him a lot of points in my book."

Shepard couldn't help it. She pulled Ash into a brief but strong hug, and then let the shocked woman go. "I'm proud of you, Ash," she said softly. "Thank you."

Before either of them could become more embarrassed, she turned and headed to the lift. On the way there, noticing Wrex watching her thoughtfully, she nodded at him. "Wrex," she said.

The krogan grinned at her, with more respect than he usually did. "Shepard," he said.

The last thing Shepard saw, as the lift doors closed, was Ashley taking a deep breath as she marched towards Wrex, holding a shotgun mod as some kind of peace offering; for his part, Wrex was actually turning to her instead of ignoring her approach as he usually did. Shepard smiled to herself. Slowly but surely, her team was coming together, not being pushed, but finally of their own will.

Kaidan and Garrus were waiting for her. She exchanged a look with Garrus, with a slight flicker of her eyes towards Kaidan. He shook his head almost imperceptibly: no, he hadn't told the other man about the change in leadership. Shepard glared, but without heat.

"Commander?" Kaidan said, looking warily between her and Garrus. "Is something wrong?"

"No, just a slight change in plan... Garrus is going to be leading this mission."

"Oh." Kaidan didn't question her like Ashley did, and merely nodded, even though there was a faint light of disappointment, laced with doubt, in his eyes. "Whatever you think is best, Commander."

It was nice that he followed her so faithfully, but that was what made her keep her distance from him. The man was simply so... so malleable, so easily swayed, that Shepard was afraid that he would turn himself into her shadow, which was what he looked determined to do. It was a fine line she had to walk with him – mentor, friend, and counsellor, without letting him suspect what lay behind her mask.

There was a deeply buried strength in him, and she thought that one day he would make a good leader, if only he could stop trying to be the world's doormat. He never questioned, never complained, except about things that had happened a long time ago. Brain Camp had done more of a number on his smart-mouthed child's self than even he himself realised, Shepard knew. The guilt over killing his old instructor hung over him, made him cautious, even though he thought he had gotten over it. The subconscious mind could be a bitch.

Some days she appreciated his submissiveness; some days she just wanted to shake him up and yell him into shape.

Today she compromised. "Is there anything you would like to add?" she prompted. "You know me, I like honesty. If you have any misgivings whatsoever, feel free to speak, Kaidan, and we'll all work through it together."

Kaidan shook his head. "No, ma'am."

"None at all?"

He hesitated. "I... may have some misgivings about following a new leader, especially a turian – don't get me wrong, I'm happy to work with other races, but it's just going to be a change in style, that's all. It'll take a bit of getting used to."

"I understand," Shepard said, "but that's why I chose this mission to experiment with. It's a small ship, we know exactly what we're facing, and by all accounts this going to be a short and simple run, but the hostages and biotics will still give us a challenge. It's also why I chose you to accompany us. Tali and Liara have no problems with other races so there's no issue there, but Wrex and Ashley have huge problems with accepting alien authority. You're the middle ground. I figure, if this works with you tagging along, we can work from there."

Kaidan nodded slowly. "I... see. That makes perfect sense, Commander. Uh... thank you for explaining it to me."

"You just have to ask," Shepard said, praying the message got across to him. "Maybe sometimes you'll say something inappropriate, but I'll let you know, and you don't take it personally. If you speak your mind when you have even the slightest doubt, more likely than not you'll get answers or at least learn something from what the answer may be."

Kaidan smiled. While the slightly worshipful edge to it made Shepard wince internally, she could see that he not only understood what she was saying, but that he would actually take it to heart. Hopefully he would stand up for himself more in the future. "Yes, ma'am!"

"Good."

To her surprise, he turned to Garrus and held out a hand. "Vakarian," he said formally. "Looking forward to working under your command. It'll be a new experience."

He was actually sincere. Shepard had to smile to herself; she'd underestimated all of them. She'd thought that it would take longer for them all to start stepping out of their comfort zones, and it was a happy thought that they were better individuals than she'd expected them to be.

"The pleasure is mine. Do let me know what you think of turian tactics," Garrus was saying. "Head in and prepare the shuttle, Kaidan."

"Yes, sir!"

When the shuttle door slid closed, Garrus smirked at her. "It's like being back in pre-military," he murmured to her as she walked up to him. "Idealistic teachers telling us how to be the best that we can be, to trust in ourselves and our superiors... I think I was thirteen."

Shepard made a face at him. "He's been through a lot," she said. "He's got a very quick mind in there, but life has beaten him down. Sometimes you just need someone to remind you of who you are."

"At this age, if you're still hung up on those kinds of philosophical and personal issues, then you shouldn't be on the battlefield."

"It's a human thing. Get used to it. We never stop worrying." She narrowed her eyes at Garrus. "Don't you dare tell me you never have doubts."

Garrus flicked a mandible at her. "I'm too awesome to have doubts."

She couldn't help the snicker. "You're so full of crap, Vakarian."

"Takes one to know one."

The door whooshed open, and Kaidan poked his head out. "Commander? Vakarian?"

"Coming." Shepard grinned at them both. "Let's go do this. Garrus, you'd better not get us killed."

"No promises."

* * *

"So how did it go?"

"It went... really well, actually. Some hand signalling problems, but the Commander seems to be able to understand what he's thinking, so I just went with what she relayed to me."

"What, is that all? C'mon el-tee, surely you can think of something."

"I guess you could say that he's much more... thorough in his approach. Plans things out fully, very methodical. Doesn't take risks like the Commander does."

"Doesn't charge head-first into a group of enemies, you mean?"

"Uh..."

"You know, you don't have to treat _everything_ the Commander does as gold. She's human, like the rest of us. Take her off that mental pedestal."

"I don't...!"

"Uh huh."

"_Anyway_, I was just about to say that their styles are quite different, but they both get the job done. She's more reckless, but only with her own manoeuvres; she tends to make sure her team is safe. He's more conservative in his approach, but doesn't hesitate to send his team to do difficult things on the front lines while he covers them."

"Interesting. That could be the sniper in him, or possibly the turian military unit training."

"They're both amazing to watch on the battlefield, though. I mean, I knew they were good, but today in such close quarters, with orders to minimize fatalities... the two of them moved together like one mind. I guess Spectres really are a cut above the rest."

"I don't think it's just the Spectre training, el-tee."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Well... they're really close, aren't they? For a couple of people who've just met?"

"They're partners working towards the same goal: taking a rogue colleague down. Of course they're going to work well together."

"Uh... sure."

"Don't let your suspicion of aliens make you see things that aren't there, Chief. You know how friendly the Commander is."

"You may be right. Though I think _someone_ wishes the Commander was a bit... friendlier... hmm?"

"You – did you just _wink_ at me?"

"Come on, el-tee. I'm deprived of good gossip. I'll help you if you just admit it."

"I'm not talking to you anymore."

"I give good advice, you know."

"Right. I'm walking away now. Watch me walk away."

"You know where to find me if you decide you want to stop being wimpy and go for it!"

"This conversation is over! Stop stuffing your face and get back downstairs!"

* * *

End Chapter 06

* * *

**Author's Note:** In case people didn't realise (not sure if FFnet notifies you when a chapter is replaced/updated), I actually accidentally left out a medium-sized chunk of plot in the last chapter. I have added it in. Do go and read it again if you didn't see the new bits, and this chapter will then make much more sense with the added back-story.

Happy to see that there were more (and more substantial) reviews for the last chapter. It really makes me glad when you tell me what bits you all like. It helps me grow as a writer, and also makes me smile as a fellow fan trying to develop our favourite characters. If there are bits you don't like, please do let me know as well!

**Ashen Skies**  
"Sometimes you just need someone to remind you of who you are."


	7. In which Garrus has a revelation

**Disclaimer**: I am not in any way related to Bioware or the Mass Effect series. I am making no profit from writing this and am doing so purely for pleasure.

**Pairings:** Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian

**Summary**: [What would it have been like if Shepard and Garrus had met as equals?] Spectre Vakarian decides to tag along on Shepard's mission to take down Saren. Their partnership develops in ways neither of them expected, with lots of banter and fluff. This story arc follows ME1 canon, with some liberties taken.

* * *

**Air and Lightning**

_07. In which Garrus has a revelation_

* * *

"Hear that? We're not alone."

"What is this, a horror movie?" Shepard grumbled quietly.

"What's a horror movie?"

"Oh, I know this one. Humans make up films with fantasy elements to scare themselves with. Lots of screaming and dead people and spiky music."

"What? If they want an adrenaline rush, why don't they just go out and fight?"

"Physical violence is not condoned in human society, Wrex."

"They fight all the time!"

"But they pretend that they don't like it."

"Why bother? One look at human history proves it's a lie."

"One look at human history and you can tell that they lie to themselves all the time, too."

"Like with these... scary films?"

"That's one kind of lie, I guess."

"Thank you for that fascinating alien insight to the human race," Shepard said dryly. "If you're done psychoanalysing my entire species, can we please shut up and focus on the mission?"

"You started it."

"...you did not seriously just say that."

"Well, you did."

"What are you, five?"

"Still true."

"Ugh. I don't know why I bother!"

Garrus grinned to himself as Shepard grumbled to herself under her breath about smart-ass turians and muscle-headed krogans. He loved teasing her and winding her up... and the krogan seemed to find it equally amusing, too. It was one of the few things he'd managed to use to forge a tentative bridge with Wrex: the fact that it was just so _fun_ to fluster the humans. Well, at least the two female ones, because they fought back in the same manner. Kaidan and Liara were pacifists at heart, and Tali often took the little jibes a bit too seriously, though she was learning to loosen up.

His grin dropped when the first radioactive canister exploded right onto Shepard. He snarled, grabbing her as she reeled and pulling her into the protective shell of his body as Wrex instantly sprang forward, on high alert for any movement. Even as he cast his own senses about, his hands were moving over Shepard's suit, checking for any serious damage.

One of her hands found his, the other still gripping her gun. The squeeze of her fingers around his own said, _I'm okay._

He squeezed back, and then let her go once she was steady on her feet. "I don't sense any living presence," he said, frowning. "Wrex?"

"None. Chemicals have wiped out any chance of sniffing a hostile out, though."

"Same here. I don't hear anything either."

"That's the odd part. Modified biotic cloak is my guess."

"You may be right. The question is, how many?"

"Not that many. The cannister was a warning. If there were more of them, they wouldn't need warnings."

"Shoot all cannisters on sight," Shepard ordered. "Proceed with caution."

He couldn't stop himself from shooting her just one more worried look, which she caught. The corner of her lips quirked up in a wry smile. "Slight radioactive poisoning," she said. "Being repaired as we speak."

Garrus felt some tension in him ease, and then frowned at himself. Shepard was one of the strongest people he'd met, but just thinking of her getting hurt made his protective feelings surge. It was a little frustrating, because he prided himself on not being chauvinistic or racist. She had risen to the top of the list of people he respected, in the time they'd worked together, and he knew that she completely defied the stereotype that women and humans were weaker. He didn't like the thought that some part of him subconsciously still thought that Shepard needed protection.

He froze at a faint movement in the air. Straining his sense, he could barely make out... "One hostile. Biotic cloak as we suspected." He strained, but there was nothing more. "He's gone to ground. He knows we know he's here and outnumbered, so he's going to freeze and hunker down and try to kill from range."

"Is that all?" Shepard hefted her assault rifle with a feral grin. "Easy. Let's just clear this place and if he decides to come out to play, then we'll play. Good job, Garrus."

He felt a warm glow at her praise. Spirits, was he really the pre-military kid he'd joked to Shepard about a while ago? Was he actually five, waiting for praise from the adults?

Garrus puzzled over his odd, growing feelings when it came to Shepard. There had always been an easygoing camaraderie between then, from the time they had met. The more they got to know each other, the stronger their friendship had become. He observed Shepard more closely than anyone knew – partly because she was interesting in herself, and partly because he wanted to make sure the newest addition to the Spectre ranks wasn't going to be another Saren – and he was actually pretty sure that they were each other's favourite people on the ship.

To Shepard, Tali and Liara were clearly like younger sisters, still naïve and determined to prove themselves. Wrex was fast becoming a brother-in-arms to Shepard. Ashley was a friend, but also Shepard's protégé, so the Commander was careful to keep that bit of distance (while everyone else was oblivious, Garrus could tell that Shepard wanted to groom Ashley into a proper leader; he privately agreed with that judgement because Ashley was a superb soldier if she could only get over the xenophobia). Kaidan was... well, Kaidan. It amused him every time to watch Shepard delicately and desperately try to walk the tightrope in her handling of the man. Joker was a friend, someone easygoing she could just talk random crap with.

And him? He was... he was her best friend, her equal, her confidant and partner. She came to him for advice, but also to simply gripe, or talk to, or share her worries with. Maybe at first it was because he was a Spectre, older and more experienced at it, and also not a part of her team proper – she wasn't his leader, he merely agreed to follow her lead. Shepard knew better than to let those who looked up to her see her doubts and flaws. So, at first, he was truly the only one she could turn to in times like that.

Lately, though, she had been seeking him out for the pure pleasure of talking about everything and nothing... but also for simple silence. Garrus liked hearing her speak her thoughts, but he was also coming to appreciate the times they just worked together side by side in silence – on the Mako, or their weapons, or their armour. Most of her free time was now spent with him, and his with her. The others had learned to leave them alone during those times. Ashley usually made her escape fairly quickly, and Wrex just ignored them and occasionally threw in the odd comment. Kaidan hovered around Shepard when she was in the mess, but he tended to avoid the lower decks.

So yes, Garrus was quite sure of their fast friendship and trust. The problem was that this friendship and trust was rapidly exceeding anything he had ever felt for any living being before, his mother and sister included. That was the scary part.

Nothing more exciting happened as they went through the maze of boxes, shooting cannisters from afar. The biotic didn't show himself again. What was he waiting for? Why didn't he even _try_ to make a move, any move?

"Maybe he doesn't want to kill us," Shepard said, from behind him. "Maybe he realises that we don't want to kill anyone either if we can help it."

"We don't?" Wrex said from ahead. "Why am I here then?"

"You threatened to shoot me if I didn't let you come on this mission. I told you it was likely to be boring, and you said you'd decide that for yourself."

"Your missions always end with something attacking you! I thought there would at least be _something_ to shoot!"

"Well don't blame me, it's not like I decided to check this place out for fun!"

"Why did you decide to check it out?"

"To make sure there were no survivors that needed help?"

"You could have said earlier!"

"You were waving your gun in my face so happily. I didn't want to say no." Shepard sounded slightly smug when she added, "Maybe next time when I tell you something, you'll listen."

Wrex growled.

Garrus looked at Shepard, who was grinning. "How did you know that was what I was thinking?" he said curiously.

She blinked. "I just... knew." She shrugged. "The way you tilted your head, and looked around, and you tend to flex that one mandible at that angle when you're thinking –"

"Stop flirting and move," Wrex ordered. "I just want to get off this stupid ship now."

"We are _not_ –" they both said, and stopped, looking at each other with helpless grins.

"Hopeless," Wrex said, and stomped forward.

Shepard's lightened mood faded the moment they found the body. None of them had been expecting the still, lifeless man hooked up to the quietly humming machine, the only thing in this damn ship that showed some kind of activity. Garrus could sense her tensing up, growing cold, steeling herself against what must be done.

Wrex checked the rest of the room as Garrus went over to the body. A quick read of nearby charts and a scan of the body confirmed what they all knew. "No brain activity," he said, unable to control the undertone of grief in his subvocals. "This machine is the only thing keeping the body alive, but there's nobody in there. It's a shell."

"Found something." Wrex fiddled with the console, and the ship's doctor's voice began playing. Garrus winced when the man in the bed was given a name – Jacob. That would only make it harder for Shepard to distance herself from the necessary decision.

When the recording finished and Shepard spoke, however, the name she spoke surprised him. "Julia," she said softly, and then again, louder. "Julia. You're the one hiding from us, aren't you? We mean you no harm. Our scanners found this ship and we wanted to check if there was anything we could do... and now, there's you. Won't you come out?"

There was no reply.

"Please. Let us help you."

Nothing.

Garrus noted the way Shepard held herself. She didn't sag; her shoulders stayed strong. But something in her was breaking slightly, and it showed in the shadows in her eyes. He could see the eventual outcome of all this just as well as she could, but he didn't know what to do about it.

He didn't know how to help her.

"Let's check the other rooms," she said, her voice tight.

Wrex followed silently for once, on high alert, but he was watching Shepard too. They cleared the room on the other side of the corridor, with a recording by Julia herself. Depression, uncontrolled emotions, grief... and being alone by herself in this dead ship, with only the comatose body of her lover for company, would only have made things worse.

The final room confirmed it. She'd killed the crew. Garrus watched as tiny muscles in Shepard's face set. Julia was a murderer, and Shepard could not let that slide.

There was – a noise, a sigh, a soft movement of air. Garrus and Wrex spun around and in a heartbeat had their weapons pointed at the slim human figure at the end of the corridor. She stared at them, eyes wild, dishevelled, biotics glowing blue around her body.

Shepard turned, slowly. "Julia," she said.

"Leave." The glow pulsed. Despite her tiny malnourished form, the woman was a powerful biotic, from the intensity of the glow. "Don't make me kill you too."

"You loved him. That's something you can always treasure, that feeling." Shepard took a step forward, and Garrus tensed. He didn't want her stepping beyond the doorway that he and Wrex were flanking. "No matter what, that love won't change."

Julia was trembling now. "I loved him...? No. I _love_ him," she said. "I'll protect him. I will. I love him."

"There's nothing left to protect, Julia."

"No!" The scream was feral.

"Your love is only hurting Jacob now. Would you be happy if he gave up his life for you? You know he wouldn't, because you love him and you would want him to live." Shepard moved another step closer. "He would have wanted the same thing, Julia. He would have wanted you to live. He would have wanted you to let him go."

"You're wrong!" Julia's voice was a wail. "I love him! I love him and I just have to be patient and he'll wake up and –"

"You know that's not true."

"No... no, no!" Julia shook her head violently. "You want to take him from me, too! Leave now!"

"I want to save you both." Shepard stepped forward again, ignoring Garrus' low hiss. She was now directly in the line of whatever powers Julia wanted to throw. "Let me help you both."

Julia seemed to hunch in on herself. The glow around her pulled inwards, humming light under pressure. Garrus's grip tightened on his rifle. "Help...?"

"Yes."

"The doctor wanted to help, too. The captain wanted to help."

"Julia –"

The woman looked up, and smiled the most broken smile that Garrus had ever seen. "Too late," she whispered.

Light exploded. Garrus yelled, Wrex roared – and suddenly the pressure of biotic power vanished, as cleanly as if it had never been. He and Wrex hadn't even been able to get off one bullet. Garrus blinked twice to clear the light-spots from his eyes – another useful evolutionary trait – only to see Shepard slowly lowering her pistol. At the end of the corridor, Julia's body slumped to the floor, a perfectly placed hole between her eyes.

There was silence.

Wrex caught Garrus' eye and jerked his head towards Shepard. He hesitated, then stepped forward, lowering his own gun – not holstering it, not yet. He didn't want to get caught by surprise again. "Shepard?" he said, as gently as he could.

"I'm fine." The words were automatic, but she didn't move, staring at Julia's corpse.

Garrus stepped in front of her, obscuring her view of the body. That made Shepard blink, and finally raise her head to meet his concerned gaze. She looked... distant. It was a look that Garrus had seen before, on a shell-shocked comrade on the battlefield, reeling from some huge impact. "No, you're not," he said.

"I'm fine." Her voice was more forceful this time. She shouldered his pistol with an angry, abrupt movement. The shadows in her hardened. "Let's finish this."

"What –"

She was already moving into the other room – Jacob's room. "We'll pull his support, and then follow standard procedure for the bodies," she said. "Update the logs for the crew. Get the flight history from the banks –"

"Wrex."

Garrus' voice cut through her words. There was a pause. Both Shepard and Wrex looked at him, one with a carefully blank face, with faintly annoyed curiosity. "What is it, turian?" Wrex drawled.

"Please go sweep the main room again. Don't want any more surprises." He paused, and then added, "Please."

The krogan regarded him with unblinking eyes. Then he rumbled agreement. "Don't make this a habit," he warned.

"As if you'll let me."

"Hah!" Wrex turned and headed off down the corridor.

Shepard was still staring at him, expressionless. "Usurping my authority, Vakarian?" she said.

"Do you really think so?"

They stared at each other. She was the first to break the gaze, dropping her glare to the body on the bed. She stared at it. "It has to be done," she said.

"I know."

"We can't just leave him here."

"I know."

"There isn't anyone in there, it's just a body."

"I know."

She snapped her gaze up to him again, furious – but he knew she'd chosen anger because it was the easiest emotion, right now. "Oh, so you know everything now? If you're so smart, you come and pull the plug!"

"Sure," he said easily. He walked forward and reached for the power switch on the machine.

Shepard's hand caught his wrist in a grip so tight his armour creaked.

The two of them froze, locked into place. Shepard was staring at her own hand as if it was some alien appendage. Garrus just watched her, all the pieces falling into place. He felt those feelings stir in him again – protectiveness, warmth, sadness, concern, and so much more that he didn't care to name. But now he was beginning to understand what was behind them.

"Who was it?" he said softly.

"What? Who was..." Shepard turned wide eyes up to him. She let go, and took a step back. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Shepard." He held her eyes steadily. "It's me."

"I know that."

"Do you really?" He prayed to the Spirits that she understood, that she would just _see_... he needed her to understand.

Those brilliant green eyes flickered, roving over his face. Then she closed them, bowing her head. "A friend," she whispered. "Just... a friend. Back on Earth. He was... there was nothing... I had to..."

Garrus' heart ached for her. She had understood... and _he,_ too, now understood. He knew why this human woman had become so important to him. He pushed the revelation aside for the moment, though; Shepard needed him. "It was the right thing to do," he said quietly. "You wouldn't want that for yourself, would you?"

"No," she said, voice hoarse. "But who am I to decide what others would want for themselves? Who am I to choose if they live or die?"

"This is death, Shepard. Brain dead is dead."

"I know! I know that. But... there's always a chance... there's always..."

"Hope?"

She nodded silently.

"Not like this."

He watched her rally, watched her pull herself together slowly. She ran a hand over her face. "I'm sorry," she said. "It's just... memories. It triggered –"

"Shepard. You don't have to explain to me."

She looked up at him with eyes that glittered with more than green. He'd never understood tears, but he knew about them. He knew that Shepard hardly ever cried.

"It's _me_," he repeated, and held out a hand.

When she took his hand, with an attempt at levity by raising an eyebrow at him, he gently pulled her to stand next to him. "Together?" he said.

She drew in a sharp little breath. "I couldn't – this is my mission. My responsibility."

"Pardon my humanese, but: like hell it is."

Shepard snorted. "Hanging around Ashley a little too much, there."

"You're responsible for running missions. Not for the lives. Everyone makes their own choices, and if they conflict with others, then that's just life. That's just how it is."

"I kill people. I end that choice."

"They chose the path that led them to you. You don't kill people unless you really have to, anyway. We both know that."

"I still –"

"Stop arguing. We both know I'm right, but you won't accept it. Maybe in the future, but not right now. So, _right now_, what I'm saying is this: you can help me, or I can do this myself. Your choice."

Shepard's attempt at a smile failed. "I call this insubordination."

He snorted. "At the very least, we're the same rank. In terms of seniority? I outrank you. In terms of our friendship? We're partners, Shepard. We do this together, or you don't do it at all."

She sighed. It was a deep sigh, and when she drew in a breath again, it was as if some knot inside her had loosened. "Together," she said.

"Alright."

Together, they flipped the switch. The machine beeped, and stopped. The man on the bed passed with nary a whimper, nary a sigh.

Shepard gave him one last look, before turning away. "Let's go," she said.

"Right behind you, Shepard."

As he followed her out, Wrex falling into silent step on the way through the main room, Garrus allowed himself to examine his revelation. The reason why he was so concerned about her, why her happiness was his happiness, her pain his own pain, was because he saw in her... hope. She was what he had hoped to be, and she was the hope that he'd needed to find again.

He had fallen to one side of the line long ago – setting aside feelings was a necessary part of the Spectre position. You couldn't care about the fact that your target had a daughter, or a son, or a wife. You couldn't care that the organisation you had to bring down would mean food snatched from the mouths of hundreds of employees, the hastening of so many deaths in small little ways. You couldn't _care_, or you would go mad.

Shepard cared. She had fought almost everything the galaxy had to offer. She had seen the horrors of life at its lowest level, and the superficiality of life at its highest. She could have let herself grow cynical, get the job done without all the added pain... but she faced up to it and dealt with it and somehow turned it into yet another kind of strength. She had killed so many, and yet still felt the death of one stranger so keenly.

Garrus remembered how he'd once sworn never to lose that kind of hope, that caring. He remembered how he believed he was going to be different from the others. But somewhere along the way, he had grown as hardened as all the other Spectres that had come before him, as hard as all those who made a living in this universe. He'd believed that it was inevitable, that it only made him better at his job.

Then Shepard came along, and showed him otherwise.

There was an old turian concept from way back, during the Unification Wars, when massive turian colony armies fought one another on sand-swept plains. The legions that comprised an army, back then, each had a standard to carry into battle and to protect with their lives: a rendering unique to each legion of an _aquila_, the majestic bird of prey that was at the top of the Palaven food chain. To lose the _aquila_ was considered the greatest dishonour a legion could suffer. The highest honour and gravest duty of carrying the standard was given to the best soldier of the legion, the best leader; he and the _aquila_ were the core of the legion. When turians imagined the spirit of their unit, to this day it was always in the form of the _aquila_.

Over time, the term _aquila_ had come to mean the heart of a unit, the symbol and the soldier becoming indistinguishable: it simply meant the one you would gladly give your life for, the one you would follow into battle and into death. The one whose loss usually meant the disbanding of the entire legion itself out of shame and grief. The remaining soldiers often spent the rest of their lives hunting down a lost or stolen standard, or else wrecking vengeance on those who were responsible.

There was a story his father liked to tell. One time, during the lowest point of the Krogan Rebellion wars for the turians, the battered turian forces were hesitating to advance because of the seemingly endless hordes of armoured krogan before them. It was then that the _aquila_ of the Blackwatch leapt from his armoured vehicle and charged forward, alone, towards the enemy, bearing the _aquila _standard high. His legion followed him with one accord, one mind without hesitation – and the entire turian army, legion upon legion, followed them like winds upon sand, cresting wave after wave. That day was the turning point for the war, the turians managing to halt and even start to push back the krogan advance, before the salarians came up with the genophage.

_That day, the turians won two fights_, his father always said at the end of that story. _One over the krogans, and one over themselves._

Garrus had always thought the whole thing was a little bit cliché.

Now, though, as he followed behind Shepard, he could finally appreciate his father's story in its entirety. It wasn't just a pretty tale, and it wasn't just legend. He had never imagined that there were actually people like that in the galaxy, but now he had found one in the form of a little human female. She was the heart of their team, the core of the Normandy: to fail her, to lose her, was now the worst thing that he could think of, the greatest dishonour he could face.

Shepard was his _aquila_.

He vaguely remembered that the krogans had a similar term: battlemaster. That also worked, and it sounded less cheesy, too.

Not that he was ever going to let anyone know that was even thinking about either of those terms.

Hours later, after protocol had been followed and the Normandy had quieted down for its night cycle, Garrus wasn't surprised to hear the elevator doors hiss open, from where he was working on the circuitry inside the Mako. It could have been one of the engineers, or Ashley, or Wrex, or Tali... but he knew it wasn't. He just... knew.

"Pass me the incisor," he said, without looking up.

There was a pause, and the soft scent that was more familiar to him than his own wafted through the air. "Incisors are a particular type of human teeth," Shepard said. "You might need to describe this one."

He described the tool to her. She handed it to him, and waited quietly.

"Done." Garrus surfaced from the floorboard. "Just had to do some minor tweaking."

"At this time of night?"

He looked pointedly at her. She smiled sheepishly. "You're right," she said in answer to his unspoken words, "Like I'm one to say anything. Just..."

"Couldn't sleep."

"Yeah."

He turned and leaned against the patch of empty wall inside the vehicle, stretching his legs. He tapped the empty space next to him in silent invitation.

Shepard ducked her head. Without a word, she hopped into the Mako and settled down next to him. To his surprise, before he remembered that humans had a very much more relaxed approach to casual touching, she leaned against him, letting her weight rest against his armour. There was something comfortable about that pressure, and the faint heat of her body. He breathed in her scent, one that had become as familiar to him as his own by now, and listened to her slow heartbeat.

"Thanks," she said quietly, after a long time.

"No need," he said back, just as quietly. "Tomorrow, we can have a light spar, if you'd like. Work off some stress."

She sighed deeply. "That... sounds good," she murmured, already half-asleep.

He was nodding off himself, lulled by her presence, but held sleep at bay until he was sure she was deeply asleep, her breath even, her body relaxed. Only then did he allow himself to slip into his dreams.

When he woke up, to the sounds of the early shift engineering crew moving around, she was gone. Only her faint scent remained.

It was enough.

* * *

End Chapter 07

* * *

**Author's Note:** Since the turians are based off Romans (which the developers make no secret of, you can look it up) I decided to use Roman lore in my exploration of turian culture. _Aquila_ is Latin for 'eagle', which was the symbol of the Roman legions. The eagle standard was the rallying point of each legion, and its loss was indeed considered the greatest of disasters. However, the concept of a person becoming equally symbolic is my invention for the turians._  
_

Please do leave a review if you enjoyed; it encourages me greatly. Thanks for reading.

**Ashen Skies**  
"Pardon my humanese."


	8. In which Shepard plays Skillian Five

**Disclaimer**: I am not in any way related to Bioware or the Mass Effect series. I am making no profit from writing this and am doing so purely for pleasure.

**Pairings:** Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian

**Summary**: [What would it have been like if Shepard and Garrus had met as equals?] Spectre Vakarian decides to tag along on Shepard's mission to take down Saren. Their partnership develops in ways neither of them expected, with lots of banter and fluff. This story arc follows ME1 canon, with some liberties taken.

* * *

**Air and Lightning**

_08. In which Shepard plays Skillian Five_

* * *

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend, hmm?"

Shepard grinned at the turian standing casually in her door. "I have no idea what you're talking about," she said innocently, waving him into the room.

"No one drives _that_ badly, Shepard."

"Now that's mean," she said, as Garrus made himself comfortable on the couch.

"I'm being perfectly frank. I understand if you're trying to bond your team through sheer terror in the face of your driving, but surely you can tone it down a little? We've all ridden in the Mako multiple times now and it's not gotten any better. Today was the closest shave yet – we may survive a fall off a cliffside, but a fall from the height of that skyway?"

Shepard remembered that heart-stopping moment when she'd nearly sent them all off the side of the Prothean skyway, and winced. That had _really_ been a very close brush with death.

"Spirits, we would pass out from the sheer drop in pressure long before we hit the ground." Garrus shuddered. "And I'm honestly not sure how much more repairs we can make to the Mako before it gives out altogether."

Shepard looked at him a little sheepishly. "I hate to tell you this, Garrus, but… I'm not actually doing it on purpose. That's just how I drive."

She watched as Garrus gave her the turian equivalent of slack-jawed surprise. His brow plates rose, his mandibles flared wide, and his jaw dropped. "You're not kidding."

"I'm not _that_ bad," she said defensively. "Hit-and-run is a very valid tactic in dealing with ground troops. If I have a big car capable of smashing my enemies, why shouldn't I use it? And I like direct paths to my destination. Some of those mountain ranges would have taken us twice as long to drive around!"

"First of all, you don't hit-and-run, you hit and hit again. And then you jump on top of. And then you back up over, and hit again. Nothing can take such drawn-out abuse, Shepard! And any sane person would recognise that maybe it's better to take the long way round then go up a _literally vertical rock face_! We were _perpendicular_ to the ground that last planet!"

"I managed it," she said grumpily. "You guys didn't have to scream so much."

"We slid down _half the length_ of the mountain, Shepard. _Backwards_."

"Are you here just to complain at me? Because I get that after every mission, and we've been on dozens of them by now."

"Maybe that should be a hint: _let someone else drive_."

"What, and ruin all this team bonding?"

"You said you didn't do it on purpose."

"Well, no, but that doesn't mean I don't know what the effects are going to be."

She smiled to herself when Garrus laughed, almost helplessly. "You're going to be the death of us all, Shepard."

"Ah, but at least we're all going down together."

He smiled at her, a turian smile: eyes bright, head tilted down, a certain angle to his mandibles and his stiff lips. "Why does that not sound so bad? You're… quite the leader, Shepard."

She found herself blushing slightly, and willed her body to stop it. "You'd do the same."

"No," he said thoughtfully. "I would not have. What comes to you so naturally is something I have to work at. You make a full round of the entire ship, every few days, and certainly after every mission. I started doing it too when I realised how beneficial it was, but... maybe I remember all the names and faces, but that's only because I want to know who my potential enemies and allies are. You… actually care. You put histories and personalities to those names and faces. You do it regardless of rank, and even regardless of species."

Shepard covered her face with one hand. "What is this, Embarrass Shepard Day?" she muttered, voice muffled. "Because I have to tell you, having an entire colony gushing at you for saving their lives from a giant mind-controlling plant is enough for me."

"I still can't quite believe that it's the same colony we visited less than two months ago. It was so peaceful then."

A shadow passed over Shepard's face. "Yeah. Too peaceful, considering that there were supposed to be geth sightings. I should have investigated further."

"Shepard, the geth had only just begun sniffing around when we visited the first time. You wouldn't have found anything. Don't beat yourself up over it."

"I guess." She set her jaw. "We're keeping tabs on Noveria, right? If the Feros lead turned out to be an actual lead..."

"I know. I've got alerts set up on Noveria. If Benezia actually does show up there, we'll go immediately."

"Good." Shepard sighed. "Uh... where were we?"

Garrus grinned. "I was in the midst of embarassing you."

"Oh god."

He shook his head. "It's true though. You're an inspiration, Shepard. I would have left Williams alone as long as she did her duty. _You_ wanted more than that. You wanted us all to actually… get along. Not only on the battlefield, because regardless of all our feelings for one another, we're all soldiers. We would have fought to the best of our ability. But you wanted that camaraderie in our personal lives, too."

"Do you have a point?"

"Yes, actually. When this mission started, I would have said that your actions were… foolish. I would have said that you do not need to personally care for your teammates to get the job done. Yet I can't argue with the results you've achieved. Working with Alenko and Wrex today was surprisingly easy. They followed me without too much fuss, and between both our teams we managed to save almost every life."

"I wish we could have saved Fai Dan."

"I know. But he was the most far gone of all of them, and he took control back for himself in the end. That's worth something." Garrus sighed. "He was a good man. All he wanted to do was what was best for his people, and he was as good a leader as he could have been, in the circumstances."

Shepard pushed away the memory of that gunshot, and focused on her friend. "You're a good leader too, Garrus," she said cautiously, hoping he didn't think that she was patronising him. "And, you know, that's not my doing. If you didn't have the skill, the rest of the team wouldn't agree to follow you."

"They follow me because you ask them to."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be an idiot. I've been letting you lead nearly every other mission recently, and do you think I would do that if I suspected the rest of the team was unhappy about it, or just doing it for me? No, you silly turian. They've seen both your combat and tactical abilities, and so they know you're a good leader. You proved yourself to them." She grinned suddenly. "I overheard Tali and Liara talking the other day – apparently you're the brains."

"...what?"

"You're the brains of our little partnership, according to this ship." She made a face. "Clearly they've all got impaired judgement, but that's the general agreement on the Normandy. Hell, Pressly's been going to you to discuss our planet-hopping strategy recently, because he knows I'll just ask you anyway, and when Tali tries to teach me tech she just gives up after a while and tells me to go talk to you. So there it is: you're the smart one."

Garrus blinked. "I'm... not sure what to say. Wait, if I'm the brains, what are you?"

Damn. She'd walked into that. No helping it, she had to tell him. "Apparently I'm the heart."

Some odd expression passed over Garrus' face as he looked at her. "The... heart, hmm?" His mandibles fluttered – Shepard couldn't quite interpret that one. "That sounds... exactly right."

"Don't _you_ start." She grinned at him, a little embarassed. "My point is that you need to stop putting yourself down. If you're the brains and I'm the heart, that means we're both equal and we're both vital to each other, okay?"

He tilted his head as he considered that. "Maybe," he said finally, "but _my_ point is that no matter how good I am at anything, nothing would have happened without your efforts to bring us all together. They wouldn't have accepted me, if you hadn't made it clear that _you_ accepted me first. I just want you to know that I had some doubts at first, but after all this time and especially after today, I won't doubt you again. You have earned my loyalty, complete and unconditional."

"I…" Shepard cleared her throat, feeling ridiculously touched at the sentiment. "That means a lot, Garrus. Thank you."

Garrus stood, and came over to her. He put a hand on her shoulder. "I may technically be ranked as your equal, but know that I would gladly follow your lead," he said softly. "You inspire people in a way I can never hope to achieve. If anyone is capable of finishing this, it's you."

Shepard covered his hand with her own, and leaned forward to rest her forehead on his forearm. She blinked, and swallowed the burning in her throat. She wasn't usually emotional, but… such a pledge of loyalty and respect was not something that she'd ever experienced before. That it had come from Garrus, who she was coming to trust more than she trusted herself sometimes, made her want to cry. It stirred something warm and tight in her chest. "Thank you," she said again, equally quietly. "I want _you_ to know that, more than anything, you're the partner I rely on. You're the best friend I've always wanted. If something happens to me, you're the only one I trust to finish this. I just... want you to know that."

"Huh. Well." Garrus cleared his throat, sounded just as vaguely embarrassed as she was feeling. "You're my best friend too, Shepard. And I don't say that lightly."

She squeezed his hand, absurdly happy. "Best friends and partners?"

"Keeping each other sane and alive."

She snorted as she let go of him and sat back, smiling up at him. "Pretty difficult job."

"Especially when Death By Mako looms around every corner."

She rolled her eyes. "You ever going to let that go?"

"Nope. Though, speaking of the Mako," he said, with a touch of his usual drawl, "I've got a little plan to help you in your quest for team bonding. It's less dangerous than your driving, too."

Shepard burst out laughing when Garrus flourished a pack of cards, grinning at her. "Gambling? Really? _That's_ your brilliant plan?"

"Hey, don't underestimate it. You can learn a lot about people while trying to read their game-faces. It fosters understanding and… things."

Still laughing, Shepard accepted the hand Garrus offered her and stood. "Don't complain if I win all your credits," she warned.

"I'll have you know that I am the _master_ at Skillian Five."

"Garrus?"

"Yes?"

Impulsively, she hugged him, forehead resting on his chest. His arms came up to wrap around her after a moment's surprised hesitation. "I just want you to really, _really_ understand," she said into his chest armour, "that I'm honoured and incredibly glad you're here. Sometimes it feels like you're the only other reasonable being on this ship. I mean, you know Ash will never be fully comfortable with non-humans, and Wrex is his head-bashing krogan self, and Tali and Liara are sweet but god they're both so very young, and Kaidan needs to find a backbone and stop wanting things that he can't have, and… they're all good people, but… well…"

"I know."

"It's always been me, alone. My childhood on the streets, the Skillian Blitz… I always had to be the strong one. I've always had friends, but nothing like what we have, and I never thought having a… a partner, an equal, a best friend, would be…"

"Shepard. I _know_."

She sighed, something in his voice telling her he did understand. "Good, because I'm balls with touchy-feely yak."

"…I can't even begin to understand what that means."

Shepard pulled away to grin up at him. "Humans have strange sayings. Get over it."

He dropped a large hand on her head and used it to gently turn her towards the cabin door. "Go get the team, Shepard," he said, amused. "People have credits with my name on them, and I plan to collect."

Laughing, she reached back and hooked an arm around his waist. He stiffened, and a low growl rumbled in his chest. She shivered a little at those lovely sub-harmonics. "Garrus? Something wrong?"

"Er… no. No, not really." Whatever seemed to be bothering him faded, and he slung an arm around her shoulders. "Come on, partner. Let's go round up the victims. You know, you did get that carnivorous plant you wanted."

"What? Oh!" She recalled the first time she had spent some one-on-one time with Garrus, on that shopping trip long ago. "Yeah, I'm thinking plants aren't really my thing now. Maybe some fish."

"Carnivorous fish?"

"See, now that you've said that, we're going to be attacked by a gigantic zombie trout or something."

"We can only hope. What fun would life be otherwise?"

The mission on Feros had been strange and stressful enough that it was easy to convince the team to take some time to relax, even if it was with one another. Wrex manhandled a table into the middle of the hangar, and various chairs and cushions were distributed. It took another ten minutes for everyone to agree on one set of rules – there were many versions of Skillian Five floating around the galaxy – and then they were off.

"No fair!" Kaidan exclaimed half an hour later after losing yet _another_ hand when Tali called his bluff. He was down to half his chips. "Tali's got a helmet on – she doesn't even have a face we can look at!"

"So? Garrus and Wrex have the least expressive faces I've ever seen," Tali shot back, sounding smug. "Anyway, everyone knows you read body signals more than anything."

"At least you're doing better than the asari," Wrex rumbled, amused.

"Yes, thank you, Wrex," Liara said, slightly tetchily. "You just wait and see."

The krogan chuckled. "Glad to see you show some spirit, finally!"

One hour later, Kaidan and Liara were out of the game, and Ashley was watching her chips dwindle. "Bullshit!" she shouted when everyone folded, no one following her raise. "Come on, the _one_ time I get a good hand and all you bastards fold?"

"Can't believe you haven't figured it out yet, Ash." Shepard leaned back in her chair, smirking.

"Figure out what?"

"Well, Tali's people live in suits and helmets, so they're _experts_ at reading people. It's a survival trait by now." Tali inclined her helmet, and they could see the lights of her eyes flicker with mirth. "Wrex and Garrus have two natural advantages: one, they're both hide-bound creatures and so physically cannot exhibit all the subtle signals that the rest of us do, with our more malleable faces and bodies. And two…" she drew the moment out, and then grinned widely. "They're both predator species. Which means their senses are better than anything we can possibly imagine."

"What, they can smell it when we're lying?" Kaidan scoffed.

"Lies don't actually smell, no, but they can hear your heartbeat and smell the adrenaline and sweat. I did tell you this before, remember?"

"Goddess!" Liara breathed, staring at the table in awe. "That… that makes so much sense, why didn't I see it earlier?"

"You're kidding me!" Ashley cried. "That is such crap!"

"You didn't think to tell us this before, Commander?" Kaidan demanded, throwing his hands in the air.

"What, and miss the chance to take your money?"

"I am such a failure as a scientist," Liara mumbled, dropping her face into her hands.

"How are _you_ still in the game, then?" Ashley demanded, leaning over the table to poke at Shepard's pile of chips. "And winning, no less!"

Shepard arched an eyebrow. "I have a hell of a poker face."

"She's very hard to read," Tali admitted with a laugh. "And coming from me, that's saying something! I can read Wrex better than I can read Shepard."

"And the little pyjak controls herself well enough that I can't hear or smell anything from her," Wrex grumbled. "Enough talk already. Are we doing this or what?"

Ashley eyed her measly pile of money, and shook her head. "I'm out," she said. "But you know what? I'm going to bet on the turian winning. He's got the poker-face, the heightened senses, _and_ the brains to use them." She stood up and slapped Garrus on the back. "You'd better win me that bet, Vakarian."

"I'm betting on the Commander," Kaidan announced loyally. Out of the corner of her eye, Shepard saw Garrus roll his eyes heavenward, and she stifled a grin as she kicked him under the table. He looked over at her and smirked, one mandible raised as if to say, _What?_

"I am usually opposed to betting," Liara said primly, "but my money is on Tali. Her suit is the perfect mask for this game, and her people's history gives her the analytical advantage."

"Hey!" Wrex said, thumping the table with a fist. "What about me?"

"You threw your drink across the room when you lost that particularly big bluff, Wrex," Liara pointed out. "Maybe your skills are all matched, but when it comes to controlling your temper… well."

"You're all going to regret this!" Wrex roared.

Everyone else laughed.

Fifteen minutes later, Wrex flipped the table with a battle cry when he realised he'd been triple-played by a temporary alliance between his three opponents. "Vile… cunning… sneaky _pyjaks_!" he thundered, pointing a meaty finger at each of the remaining three participants in turn before throwing his arms up.

Tali, who'd been sitting on his adjacent side, was still on her chair, though judging by the state of her hysterical laughter she'd be falling off soon. Shepard and Garrus weren't so lucky, having been opposite Wrex and directly in the path of the table and its contents.

Shepard couldn't stop laughing as she lay in the hollow of Garrus' arms, even though she was pinned by the table and covered in a drift of cards and game chips and credits. In between her gasps of laughter, she breathed in the scent of the turian – worn leather and metal well oiled, and a spicy cinnamon that she suspected was all his and his alone. It was a comforting smell, one that she had already committed to memory after all the time they'd spent together, and his armoured body was warm where it curled around her.

"Commander!" Light hit Shepard as the heavy table was lifted from them biotically. Kaidan appeared, and his expression turned unhappy as he hovered over her. "Are you okay?"

"Yes – I'm fine – Garrus let his armour take the hit," she explained, fighting back another bout of laughter. She pushed herself up on one elbow, only to catch sight of Wrex stomping around in circles, raging and waving his hands about. She dropped back down, hid her face in Garrus' chest, and laughed herself sick, fingers curling around the edges of his armour.

"Commander – maybe you should get up now." Yes, Kaidan was definitely unhappy, about her current position, she guessed. It made her laughter trail off, a tendril of upset sobering her up. She liked Kaidan, she really did, but she didn't know how to let him know tactfully that she wasn't interested in him without breaking his heart. The problem was, he needed someone to walk him through the issues that hung over him, and if she rejected him, he would refuse the rest of her advice out of hurt pride and feelings. She needed him to be at the top of his game, and so for his sake, she _couldn't_ outright reject him now, or he'd never let her play psychiatrist for him again. Not that she'd ever call it that to his face.

Shepard drew in a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "I guess I should go pacify Wrex," she said lightly. Raising her head, she met Garrus' gaze full on. She'd gotten very good at interpreting turian faces by now, though some nuances of it still eluded her, and his rueful yet amused expression told her that he'd noticed the whole Kaidan thing, as well.

Garrus winked, and Shepard sputtered, pushing him aside with a laugh. "Yeah, have your fun at my expense," she said, getting up, deliberately pretending not to see Kaidan's hand.

"Commander?"

Shepard smiled at Kaidan as Garrus got up with a groan. "Guess we can't tell who won, huh?"

He ducked his head. "I think you did," he offered, before kneeling to help the rest of the team pick up the pieces on the floor.

Shepard opened her mouth, and found that she couldn't think of anything to say. She met Garrus' gaze again, and he grinned at her, waggling his mandibles in the same way humans would waggle their eyebrows. Shepard clapped her hands to her mouth to stop her mirth from spilling out, because she knew Kaidan would think she was laughing at him. Instead, she gave him the finger and then neatly stepped into the krogan's path.

"Wrex."

He glowered. "Shepard."

She clapped him on the shoulder, though she had to reach up to do it. "Let's call that a draw for now, but we'll definitely pick this up again. It was fun, don't you think?"

He eyed her, and then slowly grinned. "Sure." He crossed his arms. "I'll kick your puny asses next time."

Shepard turned to the rest of the group. "Same time next mission?" she called.

As everyone chorused their agreement, Garrus inclined his head at her. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

She smiled.

* * *

End Chapter 08

* * *

**Author's Note:** From here on there will be less banter and more emotional stuff. Hope you all like it anyway, let me know if you do!

**Ashen Skies**  
"What is this, Embarrass Shepard Day?"


	9. In which Garrus has a new inside joke

**Disclaimer**: I am not in any way related to Bioware or the Mass Effect series. I am making no profit from writing this and am doing so purely for pleasure.

**Pairings:** Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian

**Summary**: [What would it have been like if Shepard and Garrus had met as equals?] Spectre Vakarian decides to tag along on Shepard's mission to take down Saren. Their partnership develops in ways neither of them expected, with lots of banter and fluff. This story arc follows ME1 canon, with some liberties taken.

* * *

**Air and Lightning**

_09. In which Garrus has a new inside joke_

* * *

"Hey, Tali." Garrus made room for the quarian in the elevator. "Where are you headed?"

"Shepard's quarters," she replied. "Got a mysterious message asking me to head up."

He blinked. "I got one too."

"Hmm. I wonder what she's up to?"

That made him grin. "Who knows?"

Tali laughed. "Who knows indeed? Maybe it's a team thing again."

"Nah, Wrex was bunking down for a nap when I left, and Ashley and Kaidan were chatting as they did weapons maintenance."

"A tech thing, then?" Tali tilted her head in thought. "We're the tech experts on her team."

"Maybe, but it didn't feel like a mission-related message."

"It didn't feel…? Garrus, what are you talking about? All the message said was 'Come up to my cabin ASAP.' How can you tell anything from that?"

He shrugged – a human gesture he'd learned from Shepard and the crew. "I can just… tell."

Tali shook her head. "You two are so in sync that it's scary."

"In sync?"

"Please." The lights of her eyes flashed. "You two don't even need to talk to communicate. On the battlefield it's like you share one mind – you're always exactly where she needs you to be, and it's like she knows exactly where and how you're covering her and which targets you're going for. The rest of us have to ask or wait for orders, but she never gives you any – you just talk crap with her over the comms, and yet it works out. It must be a Spectre thing… you guys are definitely a few levels above the norm."

The door slid open then, and Garrus was grateful for it. He didn't know how to respond. Perhaps it really _was_ a Spectre thing, but something in him rebelled at the thought. He'd never worked so well with anyone else before, even the couple of Spectres that he'd done missions with.

Maybe it was just a Shepard and Vakarian thing. He smiled. That was a good thought.

The last of the late-dinner crowd was just dispersing from the mess as they walked the short distance to Shepard's rooms. He knocked on the door, and palmed the lock when Shepard called for them to come in.

He was hit with a medley of very familiar smells, and stopped short with one foot inside the door.

"Garrus?" Tali said curiously.

"Is that… _tysa_?" he said incredulously.

Shepard appeared from behind a partition, grinning. "Maybe," she said cheerfully. "You won't know until you move from the door, Vakarian, so get your ass in here. Tali, push him if you have to."

Still stunned, Garrus moved into the room, Tali in tow. He took in the various dishes set out on a low table with increasing amazement, as the door shut behind them. "Shepard… how…?"

Beside him, Tali gasped. "That's _olyero_!" she said. "And _rizvah_!"

"Oh good, you guys actually recognise this stuff." Shepard pointed imperiously at the table and chairs around it. "Sit down and eat already!"

Garrus took a seat, still staring at the table, identifying the various turian dishes and some of the quarian ones. When Tali dropped heavily down next to him, he looked up to exchange a stunned look with her, and then they both looked up at Shepard. She was positively beaming. "Shepard, how did you get these?"

"I got the ingredients during our last Citadel trip, and I made them just now. It's all properly decontaminated for you, Tali, and I took every precaution not to let anything levo touch it in case either of you have allergies." She looked at them, a touch anxiously. "You don't have any allergies, do you? Because while I'm pretty certain the food's clean, I can't be completely and entirely certain."

He shook his head slowly. "I'm good," he said.

Tali nodded. "I don't have allergies either; it's sterilisation of the food that's most important for me."

"Great! I managed to decontaminate my cabin before I started preparing the stuff – it's small enough that it didn't take too long. So you should be fine." Shepard sat, and grinned at them. "Come on, try something! I have no idea how it's supposed to look or taste like, so if it's really bad, just tell me. I'll try harder next time."

"Is this why you've been mysteriously holed up in your room since morning?" Garrus enquired.

"Maybe," Shepard hedged.

Tali gasped. "It's been nearly an entire day cycle! You went to all that trouble for dextro desserts?"

Shepard shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. "It's no trouble," she said. "You're my friends, and I know it can't be easy living in a small ship with all us levo species, cut off from the basic things you normally expect on your own vessels. I just thought I'd try making things better."

"Shepard…" There was a wobble to Tali's voice, hinting at the tears she was holding back. "The entire universe looks down on the quarians, but you've always treated me as an equal – as a friend. You've stood up for me time and again. You've made sure to stock proper dextro rations, and even got me a real bed… and now this…"

"Hey now," Shepard said awkwardly. "I just did what any decent person would have done."

"No one else would have done any of this, Shepard."

"Then they're all assholes, and screw the lot of them."

Tali looked up, startled. Garrus had to smile.

Shepard leaned forward, eyes intent on the quarian. "You're worth so much more than what everyone else thinks," she said firmly. "Keep your head high, and be strong – I know it's hard, but you just have to keep doing what you do, changing opinions little by little. Show your worth by your actions, and don't let all those snide comments and sneers get to you until you do. Don't resign yourself to being treated like a second-class species – you may have to take other people's crap for now, but don't let it beat you. No matter how long it takes, you just have to keep proving yourself to the world. I'll help whenever I can, but you have to be confident in yourself first."

Tali seemed at a loss for words, so Garrus tactfully intervened. "And all this is related to dextro desserts in what way, exactly?"

Shepard blew out a breath, and sat back, smiling a little ruefully. "I don't know. I think I got carried away. I just wanted to do something special for you guys, you know? You're my team, my friends, my… my family." There was a faint blush on her cheeks.

Garrus smiled back. "Yeah. Thanks, Shepard." He nudged Tali. "Come on," he said lightly. "We've got lots of desserts to critique."

"Oh, that's nice. See if I do anything nice for you again."

Teasing, keeping the tone light, he managed to draw Tali into the conversation as they tried the food. It wasn't amazing – Shepard wasn't the best cook, especially since she didn't know what the food was supposed to be like – but it was delicious compared to the standard ship fare, and Garrus revelled in the tastes he hadn't experienced in ages. When Tali realised that Shepard had carefully chosen desserts for their consistency, for ease of getting it through the suit's food filters, she nearly started crying again.

They talked about the food – explaining the history of each dish to Shepard, and sharing childhood memories stirred up by the food. Garrus told them about a picnic one sunny day back on Palaven, and Tali shared a story about attempting to make one of the dishes for her father as a child. They talked about the problems of being the two dextro species in a predominantly levo universe. They talked about prejudices, and wars, and survival.

They talked about home.

Hours later, the food long gone, Garrus stopped in the middle of his anecdote when he realised that Tali had fallen asleep from where she was curled up on the couch. He looked over at Shepard – she was also nodding off, but roused herself when she saw him looking.

"Am I that boring?" he murmured quietly, letting his amusement show.

She grinned at him. "Yup."

"As boring as your cooking is bad?"

"Oh, shush." Then she frowned. "Wait – you _are_ joking, right? It wasn't that bad, was it?"

"Let's just say you should never attempt a career as a chef. Taking a whole day to cook? Really, Shepard."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I can't tell if you're joking. Seriously, Garrus, how was it?"

He smiled. "Honestly? It was good to taste home food again, even if it wasn't exactly cooked to perfection. All things considered, you did good."

She smiled. "You gave me the idea," she admitted. "I was really touched when you went to all that trouble to get my favourite foods, before. That training session would never have occured to me either, and that and the picnic broke the last bit of ice for people, I know that. You really are the brains of this outfit."

Garrus had to laugh. "Actually, _you_ gave me the idea," he said. "The first time you dragged me out to shop for dextro food made an impression on me. It was... a gesture full of _heart."_

Shepard snorted. "I guess that's our new inside joke now."

"I don't know, I liked it when you wanted to play with my gun."

"You still haven't let me touch yours."

"It's a turian thing. Go touch Kaidan's, I'm sure he'll be happy to let you."

She kicked him in the ankle. He narrowed his eyes at her, fighting a smile. "You're awfully abusive, Shepard."

"Abusive? I just made you a damn meal, Vakarian."

"You know, does that mean it's my turn to do something food-related again next time?"

Shepard grinned. "It's a never-ending food cycle," she declared. "I like it."

He smiled back, full of dessert and happiness and gratitude. "So do I. This meal was amazing, Shepard. Thank you."

"Any time, Garrus." She paused. "So it really was tasty, huh? I mean, more than edible?"

"Definitely. Like I said, you did good."

"I'm glad. It was a bitch to make all this foreign stuff."

He laughed, but cut it off quickly, looking at Tali's sleeping form. "I'll help, next time."

"How do you even know there's going to be a next time?"

"You said it yourself."

"Huh. So I did. Well, I'm holding you to that offer of help, Vakarian."

They woke Tali, who apologised profusely before Garrus laughingly told her to shut up. They stacked all the dishes together, Shepard telling them to leave it for the next day, and then bid her goodnight. Garrus watched, amused, as Tali fidgeted nervously before suddenly enveloping Shepard in a big hug. "Thank you," she said quickly, before making her escape.

Garrus laughed at Shepard's surprised blush, and gave her a quick hug himself. "Thanks, Shepard," he said. "Sleep well."

She smiled up at him, her cheeks still rosy. "Good night, Garrus."

As he caught up with Tali by the elevator, the quarian determinedly not looking at him as she radiated embarrassment, he smiled to himself. It had been a good night indeed.

* * *

End Chapter 09

* * *

**Author's Note:** A short and lighthearted chapter, with less banter but also less heavy emotional stuff. Just a little interlude to show the dynamics between Garrus, Tali, and Shepard. Glad to see that people are still following the story, and thank you all for the reviews! I still treasure every single one.

**Ashen Skies**  
"Maybe it was just a Shepard and Vakarian thing."


	10. In which Shepard is not Lara Croft

**Disclaimer**: I am not in any way related to Bioware or the Mass Effect series. I am making no profit from writing this and am doing so purely for pleasure.

**Pairings:** Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian

**Summary**: [What would it have been like if Shepard and Garrus had met as equals?] Spectre Vakarian decides to tag along on Shepard's mission to take down Saren. Their partnership develops in ways neither of them expected, with lots of banter and fluff. This story arc follows ME1 canon, with some liberties taken.

* * *

**Air and Lightning**

_10. In which Shepard is not Lara Croft_

* * *

"Before you ask, we're out of marshmallows."

Joker threw up his hands. "Great, really? I can tell who your favourite people are on this ship, you've got heaps of dextro coffee lying around, but you let our marshmallow supply dwindle until your poor overworked pilot can't even have one cup, _one_ cup of marshmallow chocolate after he flew you around half the galaxy without complaint?"

Shepard handed him the marshmallow-less cup of hot chocolate. "I didn't let our supply dwindle. I bought extra, using my own _personal_ funds, but it seems that there's a giant rat on board. A giant, marshmallow-eating rat."

"A rat, huh?" Joker took a sip. "How odd."

"With a cap."

"Clearly this rat has good taste."

"And really terrible hoarding skills."

Joker blinked. "Not following you there, Shepard."

Shepard rolled her eyes and flicked her fingers in the direction of the plastic she could see poking from under the dashboard. "You need to learn to hide the evidence of your crime better, you idiot," she said, amused.

"Damn." Joker leaned over to pull a couple of marshmallows from the plastic sack, dropping them into his cup before pushing the bag back into its hiding spot. "I blame you, Shepard – you move like a ghost!"

"I'm an infiltrator," she pointed out. "It would be sad if I couldn't even sneak up on my pilot watching porn."

"With all respect, up yours, Commander."

"You know, Ashley says that whenever people say 'with all due respect', it really means 'kiss my ass'."

"You're welcome to kiss mine."

"After where it's been? No thanks."

They grinned at each other.

"How's the chocolate?"

"Good as always, Shepard. Thanks."

"You should pop down to the mess after this. We're nearing Citadel space, it's safe to auto-pilot the rest of the way."

"Nah, I'll stay. I like to keep an eye on my baby."

"Joker..."

"Shepard..." he mimicked her voice. "Look, stop fussing. I know you think I should get out of the chair more, blah blah, but I'm good here, okay? Got everything I need."

Shepard sighed. She and Joker had found in each other kindred spirits, the only two on the ship who knew anything about pre-space pop culture. For Shepard, growing up on the streets, the old entertainment vids and hardcopy books had been the only pleasures around. For Joker, who had grown up without people around to discuss the latest crazes with, retreating into the past had been a more defensible position. It wasn't that no one wanted to talk to him – it was that no one knew what he was talking about. Shepard didn't think that Joker realised this about himself, but it made her heart ache for him.

She'd taken to leaving Joker for last, during her rounds of the crew after every mission, so that they could chat for hours until the next emergency called. It was relaxing, talking about the most empty and useless of things, revelling in simple and uncomplicated friendship. She loved talking to Garrus too, of course, but her emotions went haywire around him, and besides, there were so many references from each other's species that they both didn't get. Garrus was wonderful, but... it was a complicated kind of wonderful. Chatting with Joker was simple and fun.

The more she watched Joker, though, the more she worried. The pilot spent almost all his time in his chair. He didn't interact with any of the others, any more than necessary. She thought it might be a combination of factors: that he physically couldn't move around easily, that he didn't know what to talk to them about, and that he still felt inferior which was something that would never change, for all his bravado. His biting sarcasm and black humour were defences that were a bit too effective, and most people turned away without bothering to look deeper.

She'd tried to draw him out of his shell, coming to talk to him at odd hours, even outside of her crew rounds. It was working, slowly but surely, especially since she had subtly engineered things so that her team visited him sometimes, too. She knew that Tali was spending a bit more time with Joker now, for one, talking about complicated ship-related tech that no one else quite understood, after Shepard had dropped some comments into conversations with the quarian. Garrus was spending more time making rounds with the team, and had included Joker in his rotation, too.

It was about time for the big push.

"I admit that I've got an ulterior motive for asking, Joker."

That got his attention. "Finally succumbing to my wit and charm, Shepard?"

"In your dreams." She sighed and massaged the bridge of her nose. That, at least, was not an act; she had a terrible headache. She hated politics, and dealing with two corrupt politicians in a row – both female as well, damn that Helena Blake and Nassana Dantius, for being blights upon her gender – had left her with a bad taste in her mouth and a migraine. "You know what, forget it. I'm not going to drag you into my problems."

"Oh, come on, Shepard." Joker turned in his seat and gave her a reproachful look. "Don't go all soft on me now. Lara Croft would never say something like that."

"I thought we established that I lack her... attributes."

"I'm sure you'll grow into them."

"God, I hope not. Imagine how hard it would be to run, being unbalanced both in front and in the back." Shepard shuddered. "Not to mention extra armour costs."

Joker laughed. "They charge you for extra material?"

"For that much extra? Probably. Lucky I never had to to find out."

"Don't put yourself down, Commander, your curves are already very pleasing to the eye." Joker waggled his eyebrows at her.

She snorted and flicked the brim of his cap. "You ogle all the women on this ship, Flight Lieutenant?"

"Only the hot ones." Joker winked at her, and then sobered. "Seriously, though, Shepard, if you need help, you only have to ask."

Shepard suppressed a smile. She could see that he wanted badly to be helpful – not just because of his ever-present complex, but because he genuinely wanted to help her, as a friend. So she settled her face into a frown, and sighed again. "It's just... there's a Skyllian Five game down there. Guy's night, cigars, brandy, whiskey, you know."

Joker tensed, though he kept his voice light. "Where did they even get all those things?"

She grinned. "Spoils of war from the last two missions."

"Hey, who knew corrupt politicians were good for something, eh?"

"Yeah." She could see that Joker was uncomfortable, but she pressed on. "You weren't there at the last couple of Skillian Five sessions –"

"Mild piloting issues, nothing I can't handle, but I felt it needed more than the auto-pilot," Joker said automatically, as if he'd rehearsed it.

"Of course." Shepard took a sip of her tea. "The problem is, the guys still can't really relax. Tali and Liara are fine, but Wrex? Kaidan?" She shook her head. "Garrus tries, but both of them don't really like or trust him fully yet."

Joker snorted. "That's because of, one, the krogan-turian thing, and two, Kaidan thinks that you and Garrus are getting a bit too... friendly."

"Do not even go there," she said severely, and a shit-eating grin split across Joker's face. "He's a good friend, a solid partner, and a senior Spectre. It's natural that we get along well."

"Uh huh."

"My point is that I need someone else to help break the ice. None of the girls will do, because they're girls, and the men still act differently around them." She scowled; this was something that she was actually slightly annoyed about as well, but that should solve itself over time as the females kept proving their worth on the battlefield. "And the crew are too intimidated. So that leaves..."

"Me."

"You."

Joker shrugged. "Sorry, Shepard, but I can't see what I can do. I'm just another fragile little human."

There was slight bitterness in his voice, and Shepard felt her heart twist again. One last push. "Exactly," she said.

"Uh... what?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but... you're not a threat to them. In any way. They see you as physically weak, no competition at all." She saw Joker stiffen, and hurried on. "However, that's because you're skilled in an area in which none of them can compare. Every one of them respects your piloting skills, Joker. It's something they know they can never match, but it's not something they'll ever consider themselves doing, so they don't feel threatened by you – they just respect you."

"So what are you saying, Shepard?" Joker's voice was carefully neutral.

"I'm saying, they respect you without considering you a threat. That puts you in a very unique position to help out with the team. Each of them are touchy, each of them have their own sticking points, but none of that clashes with _your_ points. You can be my bridge, Joker. That's what I'm saying."

She waited, taking another few long sips from her tea, hoping like hell that Joker would see what she was saying, instead of getting offended. If she judged him right... this might be exactly what he and her team needed. She wasn't lying about the tension amongst her team, which had been tempered by the various group activities, but not erased, not by a long shot. This would be good for all of them.

If she judged him wrong...

After a long, agonising pause, Joker grinned, but there was a little touch of pride in it. "You're saying... you _need_ me, Shepard."

She sputtered. "What... god, Joker, you can make anything sound dirty."

He laughed. "What can I say, it's a gift."

"Some gift." Shepard discreetly tapped a command into her omni-tool, and then put a hand on Joker's shoulder. "Look, I know this isn't what you signed up for. And I know it seems... insensitive of me, but –"

"What? Hey, no, Shepard." Joker patted her hand. "I accepted my body a long time ago, and if this actually turns out to be useful, then why the hell not?" The unspoken sentiment hung in the air: _at least my disability will finally be good for something._

Which was exactly what Shepard had wanted to hear. Well, not the unspoken part, but his agreement. She smiled at Joker, a genuine smile. "So you'll do it? If this works, with Wrex and Kaidan and Garrus, I may have to recruit you for the group stuff with the girls as well."

He grinned. "An excuse to smoke cigars and get wasted now, and an excuse later to flirt with the ladies? Don't mind if I do."

"No getting wasted," she said severely. "Slightly buzzed, at the most. You can go to town on the cigars, though."

Joker whooped. Then he paused. "Uh, but how do we do this? Should I just waltz in?"

"That may work," she said thoughtfully. "Although, they were complaining that they had too few people to make it really fun, and I think they were going to –"

"Hey, Joker, do you – oh, Shepard. What are you doing here?" Garrus strolled up to them, narrowing his eyes at her. "I thought I told you to go to bed."

"What are you, my mother?"

Joker snickered. "You're one to talk... you brought me hot chocolate, Shepard. Going to tuck me into bed next?"

She hit him lightly on the shoulder. "I'm not buying you marshmallows next time for your insubordination."

"Ow! Watch the bones!" Joker rubbed his shoulder in mock pain, and then raised an eyebrow at Garrus. "What's up, big guy?"

"Big guy?" Garrus frowned. "Is my size intimidating? Wrex is bigger, anyway, if you –"

"Relax, it's just a saying, geez." Joker rolled his eyes at Shepard. "You've got to teach your pet turian a sense of humour."

"Turian humour is more subtle," she said dryly. "And I keep telling you, he's not my pet turian."

"Damn right." Garrus bared his teeth at them. "Can you imagine this finely tuned figure of death and destruction belonging to any one person?"

_Oh, I can imagine it all right._

Shepard bit her lip in shock. Where had that thought come from? Was she insane?

"What are you doing here anyway?" she said quickly, trying to banish all strange thoughts from her mind. "Come to chase me to bed?"

Garrus flicked a disdainful mandible at her. "It's not all about you, Shepard," he drawled. "Tonight, it's about the _men._"

She made a show of looking around. "Where? Oh, you mean Kaidan? Weren't you with him downstairs?"

Was it her imagination again, or did Garrus stiffen when she said that? But then he was talking again. "Very funny, Shepard. I'm ignoring you now." He looked at Joker. "We need at least one more to join us, a three-man Skyllian Five game is just not fun. There's no one else I could think of asking. Do you have any free time now?"

"He's got lots," Shepard said quickly. "Lots and lots of free time."

Joker snorted. "Very subtle, Shepard."

"Has she been pestering you too?" Garrus said with a laugh. "She keeps trying to get me to stop working on the Mako all the time. Go socialise with people, she tells me. As if I have time to spare from repairs, with the way she destroys it every time we go ground-side."

"Yeah, with me it's all 'get out of that chair, Joker', 'go tap-dancing with me, Joker'." With a groan, the pilot slowly levered himself out of his chair. Neither Shepard nor Garrus moved to help him; they knew better. "Honestly, she's such a mother-hen sometimes."

Garrus blinked, and tapped his translator, confused. "What do matriarchal barnyard fowl have to do with anything?"

"Earth saying. A mother-hen is someone who fusses over someone."

"I swear, you humans are demented. Shepard does like to fuss, though, it's true." Garrus looked inquiringly at Joker. "So, will you come? I think the other two are getting impatient to start."

Joker rolled his eyes. "I didn't get out of this chair for nothing, big guy," he said dryly.

Garrus eyed him. "You could have wanted to go for a bathroom break."

"Huh. As a matter of fact, I do need one." Joker started limping his way to the stairs. "You guys deal and everything, I'll be right there."

"Thank you, Joker," Garrus called after him. "I appreciate this!"

"See if you're still saying that after I win your credits!" Joker called. He waved without looking back, muttering to himself about sadistic ship interior designers as he began to hobble slowly down the stairs. The doors closed behind him.

Shepard blew out a breath. "That went well," she said, turning a relieved smile to Garrus. "Your invitation was brilliantly done." Her smile softened. "He was really happy about that, I could tell."

Garrus shook his head. "To be honest, I would have asked him to join us myself, even without your prompting." He frowned, mandibles drawing tight. "Joker would never have agreed, though, if you hadn't talked to him. He won't make the first move to reach out to people, and also views invitations with suspicion, but once he lets himself step across the line... You did good."

She bumped his shoulder with her own. "We both did good," she said. "It was partly your idea after all, Brains. Look after him for me?"

"He's my friend too, you know," Garrus said, amused.

She beamed up at him. "I know, and I'm really happy about that."

There was a soft light in his blue eyes that made her blush. "Good," he said. "I like it when you're happy."

"Uh..."

Garrus tapped the middle of her forehead with a gloved talon. "Your headache line is gone."

Shepard blinked. "My... headache line?"

"Yeah." Garrus stepped back to look at her critically. "The line of tension through your shoulders has eased, too. That's good." Catching her confused look, he explained, "Ever since we cleared out Dantius' sister's base, and then sorted out Blake's little power play, you've got that crease in your face that means you've got a headache, and that little hunch in your shoulders and neck that means you're thinking way too hard and taking the weight of the world on your shoulders. Again. I was going to invite you to have another one of our spars to let you vent, before this Skyllian Five thing came up."

Shepard laughed, feeling warmth spread through her. Garrus always knew just what to say, without even knowing it. "I was just... frustrated. All this corruption, all these deaths, for what? A bit more money? A bit more power? We do all this stuff, out here in space, and what for? To secure someone else a bit more position in the backstabbing game? Sometimes it feels like a never-ending, losing battle."

"Shepard..."

"But then... stuff like this," she indicated the cockpit with a wave of her hand, "reminds me that we fight, not just for the big ideas like justice, but for ourselves. For our friends, and the lives of individual people out there. I remember talking to you about this before."

He nodded. "I remember."

"Yeah. Maybe one day we'll find justice, but for now, what we can do is protect those around us." She smiled at him. "We fight for each other, and look out for each other. If we can do that, then we can build from there. But... well. It starts with our friends. I just need to keep reminding myself of that."

Garrus nodded, mandibles fluttering in a smile. "That's... a very Shepard thing to say. I approve."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm so glad you approve," she said. "Now, go and talk about your alcoholic and sexual exploits, and don't you dare let Wrex throw something at Joker."

"I'll do my best."

"Also, if you don't win all the credits off Wrex, I'm going to be severely disappointed."

Garrus grinned at her. "Aye aye, Shepard."

The next time they held a post-mission Skyllian Five gathering, Joker joined them, and came in second.

* * *

End Chapter 10

* * *

**Author's Note:** Ah, Joker. I do love him. Hope you're all having great fun during the holiday season!

**Ashen Skies**  
"It was a complicated kind of wonderful."


	11. In which Garrus engineers a storm

**Disclaimer**: I am not in any way related to Bioware or the Mass Effect series. I am making no profit from writing this and am doing so purely for pleasure.

**Pairings:** Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian

**Summary**: [What would it have been like if Shepard and Garrus had met as equals?] Spectre Vakarian decides to tag along on Shepard's mission to take down Saren. Their partnership develops in ways neither of them expected, with lots of banter and fluff. This story arc follows ME1 canon, with some liberties taken.

* * *

**Air and Lightning**

_11. In which Garrus engineers a storm_

* * *

When Kaidan stood abruptly with a look of determination on his face, Garrus was ready. He stood as well, and caught the man right outside of Shepard's door.

"Let me go, Garrus." There was a bite of anger in his voice.

"You'll only make it worse," Garrus said as calmly as he could, though what he wanted to do was take the man by the shoulders and shake him hard. "She needs time alone, at least at first. She'll only feel smothered by your concern."

Kaidan yanked his arm free, expression ugly with anger. "You think you know her best, Vakarian? You're a turian – you can't understand her as well as another human can."

Garrus felt a flare of anger of his own, but kept his voice low. "Some things are not about species. Some things are simply about getting to know someone as a person."

"You just want to go in there yourself."

"Which would explain why I've been sitting here in the mess with everyone else?" Garrus could see the rest of the team out of the corner of his eye, a tableau of indecision and worry. Liara had half-risen from her chair, while Tali was gripping the edges of hers. Ashley sat stiffly, her knuckles white, a contrast to Wrex's slumped form against the wall – though the krogan's apparent unconcern was belied by the fact of his very presence, when he usually kept more to himself. Even Joker had abandoned his pilot's seat and was sitting with his arms crossed, next to Tali.

"Look, Alenko, we're all worried. That's why we're all here." Garrus took a step back, and turned his palms up in a placating gesture. "But trust me when I say that the best thing for Shepard right now is some personal space."

Kaidan looked torn. He hesitated, and then with a growl, turned towards Shepard's door.

"El-tee, you might want to listen to him." To Garrus' surprise, it was Ashley who spoke. Her fingers curled and uncurled as she added, "I may disagree with him sometimes, but he knows Skipper better than any of us."

Garrus could see the bitter betrayal flash across Kaidan's face, could see the vindictive decision made in his eyes. That Ashley had sided with the turian, and not her fellow man, was the last straw. Without another word, Kaidan turned his back fully on the team and knocked loudly on the door. Everyone winced.

"Go away, Kaidan." Garrus' heart ached at the exhaustion and grief in Shepard's voice, palpable even through the door. "I'm not in the mood to talk right now."

"Shepard…" Kaidan tried the lock. It flashed red. "Shepard, please talk to me. You've always been there for me, let me be there for you."

"Kaidan, please. Not now."

"Shepard –"

Garrus had heard enough. Forcibly dragging Kaidan away would only make things worse, and he trusted Shepard to handle herself, so he turned from the foolish man and stalked down the corridor to the elevator. He would do what he could for Shepard in the meantime.

Ten minutes later, he looked up as the elevator opened, and Shepard blew out of it, looking ready to rip someone's head off. She blinked when she saw him, and opened her mouth –

"Catch," Garrus said, and threw her a set of boxing gloves.

Shepard caught it easily, and something dark in her eased as she looked around the empty room before her gaze stopped on him. He moved to the centre of the bay, his own gloves already on, his armour exchanged more flexible workout clothes. "Sent the requisitions guy upstairs for the night," he said conversationally. "And the engineering staff won't be coming out for a while."

"Garrus…"

"You don't have to put the gloves on," he said. "I keep telling you, your punches are much softer than mine. I'm sure I can take it."

Shepard finally smiled, though it was a tiny one, barely a quirk of her lips. She was too wound up, too hurt, to do anything else. She started pulling on the gloves. "I'm not holding back. Be ready."

"I should be the one warning you," he returned.

She came at him impossibly fast, throwing a feint, trying to catch him on the side with her other fist. He was faster – snapping his torso out of the way, he used his longer reach to come up inside of her defences. He barely clipped her chin, though, as she slipped away, a graceful half-turn.

Tali had once said that it was like watching art being made, when the two of them fought on the field. Shepard was like air, her every move flowing, naturally artful. She danced her way through her enemies to the beat of her own song. Garrus, on the other hand, was lightning – equally artful, equally natural, but a shock to the senses, never being where he was expected to be. He was a contrast of stillness and movement, one second all coiled sniper tension, the next second a jagged blur of speed.

When the two came together, it was a storm.

Shepard twisted around his attacks, fluid and elegant, ducking and turning and sweeping in one single series of actions. She was flexible in a way that turians could never be, and it was exhilarating trying to catch her – it was like fighting the mist. She peppered him with hits in critical spots, each hit not serious in itself, but the build-up was taking its toll on him. It was like slowly suffocating, slowly dying, the air getting harder to breathe with each gasp.

Garrus knew he was giving her an equally difficult time, though; his punches were harder, and every time he hit her she felt it dearly. Like lightning, unpredictable, ripping holes in the earth, never the same place twice. Like a sniper, biding his time, waiting for that one perfect head-shot, unexpected and deadly.

She wasn't holding back today. Normally when they sparred, it was a lighthearted back-and-forth, just a way of making their usual workouts less tedious, or to release some light tension. Today Shepard wasn't sparring; she was fighting. There was something dark in her eyes, a viciousness to her blows, that usually wasn't there. There was none of their normal sparring banter; she fought in grim silence, jaw clenched.

After half an hour, he could tell she was nearing exhaustion, since she wasn't pacing herself as per normal and was going all-out, which clearly tired her much more quickly. He decided that it was time. "It was a clean death," he said finally, softly, breathlessly.

She faltered, and he scored a hard hit to her upper arm. She hissed, dancing away from him, circling carefully. "We don't know what drug was used," she said finally.

"You saw the body." He lashed out, but she executed a wince-inducing twist and crouch movement that brought her suddenly within his reach, and she landed a good couple of blows on his chest before he threw himself backwards again. "His expression, the lack of fluids, the muscles – they all point to a clean death. You know the medical report on his body will confirm it."

She was silent as she darted in – another feint – and moved away again. He took a long step towards her, sweeping a leg under, but she managed to turn the fall into a roll, and leapt to her feet again, lunging in at him. It was a careless move, and he landed a pulled punch to her middle, pushing most of the air from her lungs. She stumbled back, desperately trying to suck in air, and he took the opportunity to leap forward, unexpectedly turning the jump into a slide.

He knocked her legs out from under her, caught her halfway to the ground to break her fall, and then as gently as he could he dropped her the rest of the way – all in under a split second. Her head hit the floor with a dull thud, and in the blink of an eye he had her pinned, his superior weight and strength holding her down. Her struggles were half-hearted and weak as she tried to breathe properly again.

"It was a clean death," he said again, pinning her gaze as surely as he pinned her body.

She finally looked at him directly, and those tortured green eyes were like a physical blow. "It was still a death," she said, and the first tears spilled out. "If I'd been just that bit quicker, gotten there just that bit earlier –"

"You know we got there as fast as we could."

"His message – I didn't see it right away –"

"You saw it barely fifteen minutes after it was sent. It was his final message and he knew it, Shepard. He was out of time long ago."

"I could have helped him, helped him hide, or –"

"He didn't ask for any of that. He made his own choices."

"I should have offered help."

"You did all you could. He did all he could as well. In the end, he trusted you to finish things, and you did. Don't you have enough problems of your own without shouldering his? You did all you could, and that's all that anyone could ask for."

"I did, didn't I?" she whispered. "I did all I could… and it wasn't enough."

"Shepard…"

"It wasn't enough."

Garrus let go, then, and tugged her upright. She finished the movement by curling up in the hollow of his arms and legs, tucked into herself as she gave into her silent sobs. If Kaidan hadn't interfered, Shepard would have sorted out all her thoughts in private, and gotten a better grip on her emotions. This time, though, she'd had to bottle up her own emotions without dealing with them properly, because she'd had to play the role of Commander Shepard for Kaidan. She was too good a leader and person to take her own issues out on the other man, knowing that he only wanted to help her, so she'd put aside her own needs in order to deal with _his_ neediness.

Why couldn't Kaidan see that his insistence on being 'helpful', on 'talking about it', on 'being there' for her, was just added pressure on Shepard? Why couldn't he see that his brand of concern was for his own self-gratification, for feeling like he was doing something for her, instead of being truly in her best interests? Surely by now he should have figured out that Shepard instinctively retreated from overt shows of concern, especially ones made in public before other people.

Garrus had known that she would be feeling trapped: more frustrated and angry and agonised than ever, but unable to show it because of her professionalism. So he'd cleared the bay to give her the privacy she desperately needed, sparred with her to give her a way and an excuse to release her pent-up emotions, and then he'd brought her to the point of exhaustion at which she couldn't maintain the Commander mask any longer, so that she'd break down and finally face up fully to Admiral Kahoku's death.

Now, in the echoing, empty hanger bay, he held her, not making any sound or movement, but just being there for her as she cried. It was all he could do for her… and it wasn't enough. But it was all that he had.

So he held her.

They were there for a long time.

* * *

End Chapter 11

* * *

Author's Note: As you can see, this is where the inspiration for the name of the story came from. A short chapter, but I didn't want to drag out the angst too long. I had to write a bit about Kahoku, though, because his death made me feel incredibly sad. He was a good leader doing his best for his men, damn it.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, everyone!

**Ashen Skies**  
"When the two came together, it was a storm."


End file.
